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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3386
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I wrote over a month ago and received a nice response.

Customer Question

I wrote over a month ago and received a nice response. However, this situation has worsened, and I did confront my boyfriend about his cheating. He said he would end it the next time he saw the other woman. Well, that was a month ago and he is going to see her again. I know this because I saw his telephone logs and he still calls her and texts her. I found her clothes in his apartment after the last liason with her. He knows I found them,and said he would have a talk with her. He never did. Although we have still been together, it is strained, and I feel I have lost him. He seems distant, and not at all attentive anymore. He says he still wants me in his life, and sometimes says he loves me and wants to work this out. But, I have found out who this woman is, and it is a fling he's had with her at least once a month. - she lives about*****time away from us. It is an old high-school girlfriend who he friended on facebook. Somehow, they reconnected. I told him if he continues with her, he can't have me too, and that I would break up with him. That I'm a one-man woman and Im not going to stand by while he cheats in front of my face.
=My question now is, "SHOULD I tell this other woman what he's been doing? Double-dealing both of us and cheating on both of us", even though I was his girlfriend for 2 years prior to this. I feel like I should do her a favor so she doesn't get in too deep with him either. Because, I know he will always cheat and perhaps on her as well. Now, I feel as though I'm the "other woman". I want to end it finally with him, so that he can continue freely with this other woman, if he can't let go of her. But should I let her know of his lying and cheating and infidelities, or should I just let it go. And perhaps he will come to his senses, get tired, and finally realize that cheating doesn't get you anywhere, especially after he loses me.
I didn't mention that I am 59 and he is 57, both married and divorced. I've been divorced over 20 years and no re-marriages. We are not children; but I was so ready to commit to him just prior to finding out about his cheating.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I also feel that although I did love him, and that love was a rare and unique one between us. Now don't have feelings for him that way; I fell out of love with him through all this. I feel in my gut that I should set him free, so that he pursue this new love, since I am impeding him from fully being into it. I have resolved to the fact that I can never change him, if I did stay with him, and we would always have trust issues and much distrust. My inclinations are to let him go, be a big girl, and NOT say anything to the other woman. Maybe some day she will see him for what he is. I'm battling against this decision Should I or shouldn't I. Doing so, I'm not sure what it would resolve other than alert this other woman to what deceptions she is encountering. It will probably not go anywhere with her and him either. I would definitely break up with him before I were to tell her about all this.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

It sounds to me like this relationship has run its course and rather than looking at is as setting him free look at it as you are setting yourself free from a man that doesn't show respect and doesn't value mutuality, honesty and integrity in a relationship. To your question about alerting this other woman......I see no purpose in doing so..it does not serve you in any way. I am less interested in about what it does for her and more interested in you. Again, I see no purpose to tell her anything. If you choose to walk away from this..walk away with your head held high and move on.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

I am here when you are available.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

How can I support you? I haven't heard back from you and want to make sure you are doing okay.

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