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Me and my husband been together almost 10 yrs we have 2 kids

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but one passed away we...
Me and my husband been together almost 10 yrs we have 2 kids but one passed away we have had our ups and downs and he has done it all to me too many times currently he is incarcerated and I have had a feeling he is talking to someone else just his behavior he is very disrepectful towards me and very short. I don't know how many time I tell him write him we have all the same fights bout the same stuff cuz he rather not deal with the problem and shut it down and act like nothing. I have told him that I can't continue living like this I am always crying and don't know why he doesnt "GET IT" I mean it's not hard I don't expect the world and he will make his promises and not even hours after he is back to the same pattern? Is he stupid or retarded? Its common sense u continue the same behavior u will get the same results I love him so much but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and hoping for something that will never happen? I need help because what do u think is wrong with him and I will know the truth and he wi still lie and believe his own lies then blame me for all his faults it seems like? Please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 9 minutes by:
7/28/2016
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 409
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhh sweet soul, you have endured so much! My goodness, I am so terribly sorry. Yes, I understand your frustration. It probably feels like an endless battle? I can see how you are overwhelmed and unsure of what your next step should be. In order for your relationship to be successful, you both must be invested in it....willing to own what is yours to own and available to talk and communicate about hurts and concerns. Sadly, it does not seem your husband is able to/or want to do this. This compounded by his disrespect must make things near impossible to tolerate.

My advice would be to reach out for professional help....speak with a therapist to get as strong as you can be then carefully proceed forward with what feels right once you in that place. I'm unsure of how long your husband is incarcerated for but this seems like a perfect time to begin your own internal work. It doesn't make sense to keep investing in a relationship that no longer serves you so please put your focus entirely on you and your child. I also recommend surrounding yourself with those who love and support you.

This, no doubt, be a difficult time for you but certainly not as painful as remaining with a person who is disrespectful and dishonest. You deserve to be treated kindly and loved deeply.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
thank you for the response i have a question for you because i cant even answer myself? why no matter how hard i try and end this relationship i cant and always am the "sucker" and go back or saying sorry for things i didnt even do and i can tell myself a million times its unhealthy but i still go back thinking and hoping for a miracle to happen. today i wrote him a letter and read it over the phone and i tried to discuss a solution to the problem but it seemed like he was always trying to justify his actions and make me look like the bad one? i am not to familiar with narcissist but i can be almost certain he has to have it because i have tried countless times to try and undertsnad how a person can be like him and i just cant figure it out i think my 7 year old would of got it by now. i feel like i have invested so much time, love, effort, & dedication that i almost feel like a failure i dont know please help
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago

I understand, sweet soul, that you have invested much and have many years put into your relationship but as you know, these are not reasons to stay. As toxic as the relationship is, it is still familiar so therefore comfortable---even if it's chaotic and unhealthy. We are drawn to what feels like home and I imagine perhaps your own childhood home was a bit chaotic....so this feels comfortable and familiar in a strange way. I know you keep returning to him, hoping that maybe this one time it will be different and sadly it is not. Again and again you are let down, wanting to believe it might change but sadly it won't as he is unmovable. Please start putting together a plan that involves you moving forward and not looking back....

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Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago
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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 409
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Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice

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