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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 333
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I am attracted to a guy I work with, in actual fact he's my

Customer Question

I am attracted to a guy I work with, in actual fact he's my employee. We've both admitted attraction but he was the sensible one & said we need to keep it professional ("at least for now") was one comment he made when we'd had a few drinks one night. Anyway we've moved on much to my reluctance & over the last few months just get along so well & have the most amazing conversations, usually at night over text. So I asked him if he would come away with me for a weekend at a resort I know of that's amazing. He said yes as long as there are no romantic motivations behind my request. I told him there wasn't as I am not after a relationship with him as I'm already in an unhappy relationship that he knows about. However he does know from previous conversations that I am sexually attracted to him. So I told him I don't do romance & there are 2 bedrooms in the resort apartment we'll be staying in. He laughed & said he wants to go away with me but as long as we know where we stand on things, he's happy to hang out for a weekend with me. I'm confused as he knows I'm in a relationship, even though unhappy, he works with me, he's still happy to go away alone with me for a weekend but I would die if I made a move on him & he rebuffed my advances. I am not into a relationship, I just want a one night thing with him. Half of me thinks well he's going away with you for a weekend, alone so he must be open to if it happens or the other half is like is he feeling sorry for me or something or obligated. I don't want to put myself in a situation where my ego could cop a beating if he rejects me in that way (sexually). I also think he's very careful over text about what he says as this whole conversation has been over text. Please help before I make a huge mistake.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 1 year ago.

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

It's difficult to know where to begin as there are many pieces to this difficult puzzle....

First and foremost, you are currently in a relationship (although unhappy in it) and are not being fair to your current partner by going away with another man you are attracted to. If your relationship is unhealthy and/or you are unhappy, please make a plan to leave. You owe this to yourself and your partner.

Second, you and this man from work both fully understand the complexity of entering a relationship or even a one-night fling....especially when he reports to you. There is a clear power differential making it a bit lopsided. I fear your employee may feel obligated in some way to engage considering he reports to you. This could create serious problems and the potential loss of your job. Please tread carefully in this area.

I am very sorry, sweet soul, as I am sure this is not what you want to hear. Please don't concern yourself so much as to whether or not he will accept your advances and focus more on some of the other logistics such as your current relationship and your current job.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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