Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

How can you repair a relationship in Brazil? How can you

Customer Question
reestablish trust with a Brazilian?...
How can you repair a relationship in Brazil? How can you reestablish trust with a Brazilian?
Submitted: 1 year ago.Category: Relationship
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 12 minutes by:
7/9/2016
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 797
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

I tend to believe that we are all more alike than we are different, so maybe you can explain a little more of what you are experiencing and I can assist you :)

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago

This is information about "conflict" and how to do this so that it creates opportunity in your relationship to grow closer and find resolutions to the problems that have occurred. I think you will find it to be useful :)

Insecurity can be really hard to overcome, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that this has to be a part of your relationship. You can focus on how you can use your insecurity to create intimacy, but you have to do this through honesty and vulnerability, rather than focusing on your anger. Sometimes we are reactive when we feel insecure. We really want to understand, but instead we react. There is a difference in responding and reacting. I am going to send some tips on healthy conflict and how it can lead to you guys becoming closer.

There is no need to fear fighting, it is healthy— it open communication and leads to resolution. Often conflict shows us where we can or need to grow.
When fighting, focus on the issue— not the person. you cannot attack someone’s character or go after their past mistakes to make them feel bad. You have to remain open to their statements and how it can be solution focused. It’s enough to deal with the problem without adding the new problem of hurting each other’s feelings.

Also, listen to the other person when they are communicating. Be aware of your body language and tone when communicating. Sometimes we don’t realize that we begin to assert ourselves loudly and that escalates the situation. So talk softly and make eye contact. Be honest and vulnerable. His own vulnerability with you leads me to recognize he truly trusts you....

It is also easy to be defensive, and it would seem natural to want to justify your feelings. Try to be curious about what they are saying, but not with sarcasm. Be sincere.

Fighting ends when cooperation begins. Ask for options, ask what you can do to adjust your role and show empathy? Offering alternatives of your own shows that you also are willing to try something different and work toward a collaboration.

Take ownership of your role too, make concessions about your fears and feelings. If you give a little, it makes room for the other person to make concessions too. This isn’t about scorekeeping. It’s about finding a solution that is workable for both of you.

Be vulnerable and remember that anger is a secondary emotion that protects us when we are hurting, disappointed or scared…. Try to be honest with him and recognize how much is your issue to address without blaming the other.

T

he other thing that I would encourage you to try is understanding your love language and his. Gary Chapman found that there are 5 patterns of emotional connections and how we demonstrate them. He calls these our "love languages." The Love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service. I will explain a bit of these. Words of affirmation are based on demonstrating appreciation, approval, recognizing efforts made by you or your partner- on the flip side if you recognize that you are sensitive to criticism or perceived criticism this can be a sign that your love language may be words of affirmation. Gifts are about little tokens or offerings that suggest that you are thinking of someone. It can be simple or elaborate, but it's the thought that counts. As far as acts of service, a quote comes to mind, ”Actions speak louder than words.” Acts of service may include mowing the yard, helping with laundry, starting the dishes, making the bed, helping load the car or unload the car of groceries. It could even be something that helps someone else in their career— anything that offers support someone through an action. Quality Time is based on providing undivided attention to your partner. Turning off the TV, making eye contact, turning toward them as they communicate with you— it is about focusing on your partner without allowing distractions to occur. Finally, physical touch, there is power in tenderness. This does not have to include sexual touch, but more or less, gentleness. It can be holding hands, a stroke of their hair, a massage, or a simple hug. There is encouragement in touch.....This can help you meet your partner's needs, but also have yours met. Hope that addresses part of your question. Also you can think back on what led to some of your conflict-- this could be signs of what is needed in the relationship to feel more secure....

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Here is the link to that quiz :)

Let me know what you think!

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
My friend had a relationship with a Brazilian national. They had a 3 month relationship. After that relationship was over. His ex later started a relationship with a Norwegian national. My friend found out that the Norwegian national was married. My friend showed his ex the link, and she got emotional. His ex's mother nearly had a heart attack. In Brazil, a personal attack against the individual is an attack against the collective. My friend never meant to hurt his ex's family. My friend still cares about his ex, because they had a lot in common. But he's hoping to still be friends with his Brazilian ex. Is there any way he can repair the relations and still be friends with his ex? What can he do to repair this intercultural relationship?
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago

I believe that the most honest thing to do is have a vulnerable and humble conversation about what has occurred. The situation was unintentional and there was no desire to harm or hurt feelings. It sounds like a misunderstanding that can be repaired with explanation and demonstrating the intention with the interaction. Naïveté is what led to the issue, so hopefully honesty can lead to reparation. A cultural misunderstanding is not based on harmful intention, this was simply an act from a place of a lack of awareness. The act was also not to placate blame but to disclose the truth about a situation.... It was not meant to be an insult on character. Maybe the explanation of this would help.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
They've pretty much have blocked him on means of communciation, but would it be wise for my first to meet them face-to-face?
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Correction-Would it be wise for my friend to meet them face-to-face?
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago
That would be a good option, but what about the idea of a handwritten letter that expresses feelings but also asks for the face to face meeting if he feels somewhat uncomfortable with starting out with an in-person visit?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 1 year ago
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 797
797 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and
HelloI have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and i am 34, and shes ready for marriage. She actually has been wanting it for many years, and she actually fights with me about it from ti… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens
I've been hanging out with a guy at college who also happens to be from my hometown for about 2 months. I really like him but I'm not sure if I'm being a fool just waiting around for it to become a re… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My daughter is a single mother, and she struggles. my
my daughter is a single mother, and she struggles. my granddaughter her daughter is 4.5 and just started JK. They are both high strung (probably ADHD) I was raising my grandaughter for 2 years and she… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he has been clear he is none exclusive - initally we both dated others , after he went away for 3 weeks we focussed on each other but now i am… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My Dad recently married a woman who has four adult children.
Hello! My Dad recently married a woman who has four adult children. One of whom is having a baby this week. Another is also pregnant. I have only met these “step-siblings” once or twice...am I suppose… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy
Hi Jen , Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy who I have declined a date with wrote me back two weeks later and asked me why I declined his offer to go to dinner. He was my boyf… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and couldnt stop... I Feel like fool now.. He moved out of his apartment and im still here.. He asked to move out two weeks ago.. I have yet to … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my wife and she kicked me out. The oldest daughter proved that the younger was lieing but my wife won't talk to me or answer texts she said she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again
my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again become obsessed with tracking down a former fiancee who ended the relationship in 1967. He had a previous 'episode' 16 years ago, a a time o… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I know that we still care for each other, but he says that he wants to be friends and that too much trust has been damaged in the relationship lo… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A
my ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A week later she was dating someone new. Her and I were still having sex until the end of Oct. So she was cheating on him weekly with me. Now … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it's hurting our relationship?… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart and soul, poured into this how do I go about getting another present that as good as you… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire relationship. Me finding texts to other women, catching him in ringing women, you name it. We now have a child together. My sexual urges are c… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does feel an emotional bond He says he does not know if is me or he might have Asperger S. He has After 6 months he has never sais he likes me N… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Thank you for your response about my relationship. I do
Thank you John for your response about my relationship. I do understand what you are saying and I have decided to give him space. He told me yesterday that he thinks he needs some space because he isn… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I
Hi. My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I enjoyed a drink at the end of the day to relax. That hasn't changed as I still enjoy a drink after work. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
My boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found
Hi, my boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found out that I was meeting with a guy friend of mine to talk. I didn't tell him I was meeting up with him and he found out because he track… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
168 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x