Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

Getting over being cheated on, My boyfriend went to Thailand

Customer Question
Getting over being cheated on JA...
Getting over being cheated on
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: My boyfriend went to Thailand for a month, spoke to me at least once every day but I have now found out he spent the whole month with a Thai girl who worked at the hotel he stayed in. He has admitted it
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: He is still lying to me about the details.. He sent photos of him naked in bed with her to one of his friends
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 1 year ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 4 hours by:
6/27/2016
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

I am so sorry you experienced this and my heart absolutely aches for you. I want to answer your question as thoroughly as possibly but first have a few questions to better understand your situation....

How long were you and your boyfriend together prior to his trip?

How old are each of you?

I imagine the two of you were in a committed, monogamous relationship, correct?

Are you looking for my perspective on what your next steps should be? Or, have you already decided what you want to do and need assistance doing it?

Again, my apologies for all of your questions. I want to ensure I fully understand your situation.

Thank you so much.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Hi Leslie
In response to your questions, we have been in a committed monogamous relationship for 14 months prior to him going away. I am 46 he is 55.
We have made future plans together and I wear an engagement ring from him. We both are deeply involved in each other's families and spend a lot of time with them. I would say from my perspective,this was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. We have holidayed together four times in the last 14months.
He has been to Thailand 3 times before for a month at a time before he met myself. During those times he spent it with one particular Thai "bar" girl. He is no longer in contact with her.
From the time I have met him he always told me that he wanted to go again. I did think at any time if and when he did go he would be going there for sex. If I had I would not have been happy about him going.
He runs his own business and quite well off financially. He has had girlfriends all over the world, and many girlfriends here in the UK. Most of which have been very attractive and younger than him. I believe that apart from this trip he has been physically faithful to me. He has however on three occasions sent texts to three different people asking for sec
He went with his brother to Thailand on the 24th
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Sorry I sent to early.... I will continue...
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
The three texts he sent to these three different people asking for sex he told me we're just having a laugh. I know by the answers he received this did not take place.
He went with his brother to Thailand on the 24th May 2016- 18th June 2016. The reason he told me were to relax and chill for a month and he was only going because he promised his brother and had put it off for the last year due to us developing our relationship. I obviously didn't want him to go for such a long time but felt I could trust him and he would remain faithful to me.
On his return home he was on his iPad and I noticed that he had FaceTime with a Thai girl. When I asked him about he said he was going to meet her for a coffee but she didn't turn up. This call was made to her on the 14th June. She was a waitress at the hotel he was staying in. I didn't believe him and I had the feeling that there was more to it than that. He wouldn't show me his photos.
I did the wrong thing and looked at his iPad whilst he was out and discovered he had sent a photo of himself with the same Thai girl, both naked in bed in his hotel room. He sent it to a female friend of his who is married to one of his closest friends.. The caption said "photo for Albert" dated 28th May..
Then his friend contacted him on 4th June and asked how it was going. My bf response to this "like a kid in a sweet shop"
His friend replied have you heard from Amanda - he said yes every bloody day!!! I thought he was missing me as we were in contact every day. He told me he wished he had never have gone,he would never do it again and even told me he loved me whilst he was over there! Bought me presents etc.
His friend suggested he sent me some photos of himself so I would remember what he looked like, but said just make sure they are of yourself and no one else..
There was one other photo of him and the Thai girl that was taken the day he left and two photos he has taken of her.
The last week has been very difficult and I don't know which way to move forward with this.
He has told me he had sex with her the one time and he regretted it immediately, The evidence is stacked against him.. He says the voice call to her was to meet for a coffee and he couldn't find her so didn't. The photo of them together was taken whilst he was waiting for a taxi from his hotel and she just sat with them. My heart wants to forgive him but my head is saying don't be so stupid! I feel humiliated by his friends who we both socialise with and were even planning a holiday together with them later this year.
He has sworn his undying love for me, told me he wants to marry me and we will get anew house together. He hasn't left my side since last Monday and promised he will change and do anything for me. He will pay for our next two holidays together and will make it up to me for hurting me so badly! He has deleted all photos and contacts from his past from his phone and iPad. He hasn't got a high sex drive so I think it's all about his ego... But I don't know wetter our relationship can get over this. Am I being a fool and should I just leave him! Or should I give it a chance. I do love him
Sorry for the long reply just wanted you to know the full story
Warm regards ***** ***** too
Amanda
Customer reply replied 1 year ago
There is an error in my message above! I did not think at anytime he would be going back to Thailand this time for sex
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago

Good morning, Amanda.

Wow....I am so incredibly sorry this happened. The interesting part about being with someone who is unfaithful is that it will forever change the way you approach relationships. You will always be fearful initially, always struggling to trust. For him, there are no long term affects. You truly are the victim in this situation.

I realize he says he will never return and maybe that is the case but he is missing the point entirely. Yes, Thailand has many women who are looking to be with wealthy, successful UK men but there are also women like this all over the world. He simply turns on his charm and can be with whoever he chooses.

I can understand why you feel humiliated and heartbroken. I honestly don't know how you are functioning.

I can't tell you what you should do---only you know this but I do suggest following your instinct as it never lies...it's your truth. Should you decide to stay with him, I would highly recommend he seek psychotherapy to work through his ego/narcissism. Perhaps down the line, the two of you can attend couples work to start the healing process. This is a long journey, sweet friend, so please choose carefully.

We also deserve to be loved--and loved deeply. A person who truly knows and understand love would not treat another individual like this--especially a woman he desires marriage with. A solid relationship is based upon trust.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 1 year ago
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
402 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice

Therapist Leslie is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and
HelloI have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, shes 27 and i am 34, and shes ready for marriage. She actually has been wanting it for many years, and she actually fights with me about it from ti… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months - always casually - he has been clear he is none exclusive - initally we both dated others , after he went away for 3 weeks we focussed on each other but now i am… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy
Hi Jen , Hope all is well. I want to share with you that ... The guy who I have declined a date with wrote me back two weeks later and asked me why I declined his offer to go to dinner. He was my boyf… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and
Im so confused.. I snooped on my boyfriends of 12 years and couldnt stop... I Feel like fool now.. He moved out of his apartment and im still here.. He asked to move out two weeks ago.. I have yet to … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my
My daughter acused me of hurting her she is 20 and told my wife and she kicked me out. The oldest daughter proved that the younger was lieing but my wife won't talk to me or answer texts she said she … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again
my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again become obsessed with tracking down a former fiancee who ended the relationship in 1967. He had a previous 'episode' 16 years ago, a a time o… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I
I would like to see if my ex boyfriend still loves me. I know that we still care for each other, but he says that he wants to be friends and that too much trust has been damaged in the relationship lo… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A
my ex and I of 2 years broke up on Sept 6th if this year. A week later she was dating someone new. Her and I were still having sex until the end of Oct. So she was cheating on him weekly with me. Now … read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire
My boyfriend has been a compulsive liar almost the entire relationship. Me finding texts to other women, catching him in ringing women, you name it. We now have a child together. My sexual urges are c… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée
Can I email my fiancee's boss to stop giving my fiancée personal advice about our relationship if it's hurting our relationship?… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart
I was wondering after I gave advice and my attitude, heart and soul, poured into this how do I go about getting another present that as good as you… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I
Hi. My question is about drinking. When my fiancé and I met I enjoyed a drink at the end of the day to relax. That hasn't changed as I still enjoy a drink after work. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does
The man I a dating says he wants to take a time out. He does feel an emotional bond He says he does not know if is me or he might have Asperger S. He has After 6 months he has never sais he likes me N… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Thank you for your response about my relationship. I do
Thank you John for your response about my relationship. I do understand what you are saying and I have decided to give him space. He told me yesterday that he thinks he needs some space because he isn… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
My boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found
Hi, my boyfriend kicked me out of the apartment because he found out that I was meeting with a guy friend of mine to talk. I didn't tell him I was meeting up with him and he found out because he track… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I
Hey I was speaking to this guy on Facebook and Snapchat and I stupidly deleted him because I was going through a lot and took it out on him but I added him back and he hasn't deleted me again I have s… read more
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S.
Master\u0027s Degree
7 satisfied customers
Ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care
Hello, ongoing relationships with a man who really doesn't care about me, even though he thinks he does!! … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
951 satisfied customers
I'm having a real issue. I just ended my engagement at the
I just ended my engagement at the end of July and moved away. When I ended the engagement I was on anti-depressants. We remained friends and then one day he said he didn't want to talk anymore and didn't want to text and didn't want to see each other anymore. It threw me for a loop but I was okay with it. I am coming off of Paxil and starting something new. And now it feels as if I'm having feelings I didn't know I had. I wonder if I made the wrong decision. And now he won't answer my calls my texts nothing. I've known him since 7th grad and we got engaged at 35 to each other. Our relationship was very passionate. The highs were so high and the lows so low. I miss him. It's my birthday today and the first one I have spent without him and he won't answer my calls or emails. I know this sounds like a stalker but we were engaged for god's sake. I'm not just some one night stand. And now I'm thinking because I was on an antidepressant I made the worst decision of my life. I am highly emotional right now and so very depressed … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
167 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x