Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Good morning. I am happy to assist you. Would you mind if after I get my children off to their destinations this morning that I return to the question? At approximately 8:30 this morning I will be available to assist you as thoroughly as needed :)
Honestly, I think that right now anyone would be upset about the communication. I think that you have talked to him at great lengths about what has occurred in the past and he understands that trust was affected. He has to understand that you have been very forgiving and trusting. It seems that there is a breakdown in his ability to recognize how hurt you are. Your approach with him may have to be very vulnerable rather than reactive. You may have to let him know more about the insecurity that you feel so that he understands that this is not about being demanding, but about protecting your relationship. Boundaries being set are a very genuine sign of love and his communication with her is upsetting because it seems to always leave the door cracked open, causing problems in the foundation. Honestly, he does not need to respond to her texts and although he is with you now and you are expecting a child, it seems that there is a chance that she will ease her presence into the relationship. I would suggest to him that it does not feel that the commitment is as strong because the relationship with her seems to meet some emotional need and that this causes problems for you and your growing family. My suggestion is that you go with a method of affirmation, suggest change, affirmation followed by empowering him with change-- it seems to work better than an ultimatum. Something like this, "I want you to know that I love you very much, I care deeply about our relationship and our growing family. I am ecstatic about the baby, but I am also feeling threatened and afraid. I have tried so hard to be understanding and secure about the nature of the relationship that you have with this person, but I feel more hurt and afraid at her seemingly looming presence. I need something more from you. I feel that I have asked you to cease communication, but it almost feels as if you choose her feelings over mine. I have told you it hurts me, but it feels that there is greater concern about hurting hers if you don't text back. I guess I am asking you to help me with feeling more secure and establishing boundaries to protect our relationship. I would like your feedback and energy. I am not trying to create conflict, but more or less an opportunity for us to fix or change what is occurring now. I love you and I want our family of three to be secure without concern of extraneous people affecting this...."
I just wanted to follow back up and make sure that you were able to process the response given. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance :)