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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 782
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I'm confused with what I should do in my relationship right

Customer Question

I'm confused with what I should do in my relationship right now. I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I am in college and before him never really dated to many people. My mom has told me that I should try to date other people to get an idea of what I really like, however I have been for the most part very happy and in love. My boyfriend and I do not go to the same school so we see each other when we can. However, this past year he was upset that I decided to go on spring break with friends instead of go home to see him. He has always been a bit of a jealous person, but over the week he ignored me and was pretty upset with me. One day my friends and I met up with a group of guy friends who were also in the area and one thing led to another and I hooked up with one of them. I was pretty blacked out and would not have wanted to cheat on him if I was sober. It has hurt me so much to know what I did and i would take it back if I could.
He has always been a jealous person, especially when it comes to me hanging out with other guy friends, even if I have my girl friends with me. He also can make some 'jokes" that I sometimes find not funny, though he says he doesn't mean anything by them, sometimes I just think they go too far. Besides that, he hasn't done anything very extra or special for me. i'm not asking for much, some flowers, a cute note, something. After reviewing these things, I decided to end things with him at the end of the school year. It was about a month and then I saw him when I went home. We talked about the problems I had with what he was doing and he fixed them all. Things have been great. We are still broken up, but we act like we are together. He keeps asking me to get back together with him but I avoid to answer his question. I just don't know if this is like a second "honeymoon" phase and things will go back to how they were before? I also think back to what I did, he knows that I at least made out with someone else, but he does not know that I did more than that. I know he would be devastated and I do not think I could tell him everything. It kills me to think about it and I just wish I could take it back. I love him still very much however,even though things have been great for us recently I do not know if it is right to get back together with him. I am unsure if I should really get out there and see what other people are in the world like my mother says or not. She does not know everything that has happened. I really do not want to cheat or hurt him or anyone else ever again. I know my situation is complicated, I just don't know if getting back with him will be a good or bad thing. I would have no problems getting back with him if I did not cheat, however I worry things will not work or he will find out. I have been a wreck trying to figure out what path is best for me, getting back with him or really breaking up and not hanging out with him.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Good morning. I've been trying to answer your question but I'm having some computer issues! Bare with me while I get that resolved to serve you! I am so sorry for the delay!
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Well, I will have to use the mobile site. Relationships are really confusing and complicated. It sounds like you are really processing whether or not it is possible to resume a relationship with your ex that will be healthy. My honest opinion is that it sounds like you guys will need to have a foundation of trust. There have been some insecurities between you that have led to jealousy and secrecy. I know you realize that, but if you guys get back together, do you feel that this may change? Do you feel like if you came clean to him about what happened when you were on your trip, that this would help with the trust? Or lead to more mistrust? I think his jealousy is a sign that he cares for you, but it also creates tension. You don't want to feel that you guys are on eggshells around each other because of the lack of trust. It's hard to simply maintain a friendship with an ex because it is almost inevitable that the feelings will come back up at some point. Honestly, I think exploring the options of dating others can really be an exciting thing for you. I know that you do not want to hurt him, but don't settle for the comfortable state of "love" you have and feel that is all available to you. You're young and vivacious. Enjoy yourself and your sexuality. I'm not suggesting that you just go wild, but explore your friendships and the boundaries that you really want in a relationship.

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