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Ask Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA Your Own Question
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 35466
Experience:  MBBS, MS
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My ex live in boyfriend and I were together years. He

Customer Question

My ex live in boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. He broke off the relationship just before we moved into a house that he bought for us. He said that his feelings weren't the same anymore. Because we were to move into this new home most of my things were in storage at the time. He has since moved into the home and I moved back to my Mom's. It took some time before he said that he would give my stuff back. I didn't ask for it either because it seemed to be so final. When he did mention it, he later delayed it week after week. That seemed to make me think that I could gain some time for healing. Now, it is 2 months since we broke up and he just texted saying to let him know when I can go get my things. What do I say. I was hoping that we might have had a chance. Should I just get my things and assume this is completely over. He has been respectful and nice. He said I would always be in his heart and I felt like this didn't come easy for him. A few days after I moved out, he asked me to meet him and he said, "I want you to know this wasn't a fake love and that I have been sobbing over the last few days." Please tell me. I don't want to ignore him, but I also don't want him gone forever.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I will tell you that he had never had a live in girlfriend before. I was the one he took to his parent's and colleagues. He had been very proud of me. He was as loving as it gets. Unfortunately for me, I had a previous ex fiancé from years ago who had made my life hell. He was my business partner and did everything to sabotage me. The ex-fiancé sued me twice over leaving me with no ability to take home money because of the all the legal fees being paid to attorneys. This weighed on me and the recent boyfriend. I feel like these pressures didn't help our relationship. Even still, he wanted us to grow and bought us a home. In the time that we were getting the home. We moved into his parent's house. This was to be for a week. But the house we had in escrow fell out because the seller's couldn't close because of the costs. We were forced to stay at his parent's for 4 months. He did find us a home and was remodeling it to perfection. During this time, I had the ex-fiancé attacking me relentlessly. Everything came to a head. Literally 2 days before we were to move into our home he said he was confused and didn't feel the same anymore. I never moved into the home. I was and am heartbroken because I feel like we got robbed. I don't know if was the ex fiancé problem or all combined, but I love him and it hurts. He just texted to see when I can get my things. I had done the no-contact or limited contact and I was barely gaining some healing. Should I just say I will go. Gosh, I prayed about this at church today. I prayed that he could feel my love. Maybe it is just me now? Maybe the lack of my money and the problems turned him off and he just bowed out. I did cut off the legal problems with my Ex. I closed my business to let my recent boyfriend know that I didn't care about any contact with the past ex and I had hoped I could share that with. I was doing all these things that I knew would let him see me the strong and confident person. But, I don't know if he will see that. I've been going to the gym, I cut my hair, I went to the dentist. And most importantly, I quit the old business and am selling my property that linked me to a menace ex from 3 years back. I did all that in this last month. I just wanted him to see that the person who had gotten nervous at the end of our relationship was being put the rest. That those insecurities and fears were being replaced with actions. And now, I may only have the chance to get my things and nothing else. How do I handle this?
Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 1 year ago.


I am very sorry about your problem and can feel the pain. It is difficult to ascertain the exact issue as he never explained why his feeling went away just in a short time. There can be many reasons as you mentioned (legal fight with your ex fiance, low financial contribution, living with his parents, deal not realizing of previous home, financial burden, new home issues etc). I feel you have all the right to speak to him about sudden change. I believe your last dinner meeting did not give you a significant clue. Can there be another girl? Or all legal issues you were undergoing; were you not able to give him adequate attention? You can text her requesting him all the reasons which made his mind to change. I feel knowing that; you can offer him the explanation and also come out of this uncertain feeling. Knowing the exact reasons also would make your life far easier. I know, he may not give you all the explanation, but if you talk to him, there can be definite clues. So try to arrange a long meeting. That would help you in reconciling to the present situation and make up your mind. The crux is to talk to him to gather some clues or exact points which changed the feeling.

Hope this above helps you in your tough time.

Best regards,

Please feel free to discuss anything further.

Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 1 year ago.

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Wishing you all the very best in life.

Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 1 year ago.

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Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 1 year ago.

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Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 1 year ago.

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