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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 779
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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What should I do if I've been in a relationship we have live

Customer Question

What should I do if I've been in a relationship we have live together for 17yrs and the father of my two children has left me and is drug dealing
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Legally, I am unsure of what you can do as I am not in your area, but I would encourage you to establish specific parameters or boundaries around his visits with the children. You dont want them to be exposed to anything harmful or that could be a dangerous situation. I would look at options for visitation that involve supervised areas or even in the presence of another family member. I dont know the ages of your children, but I do think that you can protect them. You dont have to necessarily tell them what is going on, but you do need to let your ex-partner know that you are going to enforce the safety of your children. It sounds like he must be going through a difficult time and I know as a mom it is hard for you to see the father of your children suffer, especially at his own hands and by his own choices. So, right now, you may have to step in and really be the mom and dad in the picture until he is able to recognize how his actions are harming his family.....I am sorry that you are hurting right now. I bet this is an uneasy feeling.....
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The kids are 15 and 12 and Yes it is a hard time it's so sad and I know that when u become an addict it controls you and you make the wrong choices you loose everything just so you can get high it destroys everything I love him and care is there anything I can do do you think should I keep trying to get him off or let go.... I know if it was me I would want someone that loves me to save me
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
He is the father of your children and you will have a life dealing with him because of that, so I think that you should offer support to him because your kids do need their dad around. You can go to him with vulnerability and out of love and ask him if you can help him with accountability or support. You can offer family counseling and even to go to meetings with him. You may want to write him a letter and let him know that you have to establish boundaries if he cannot accept the love and support you are offering. Let him come up with options too, that way he has more ownership and feels a bit more in control?
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
I just wanted to check back in and make sure that you have satisfied with the answer given. I hope that you will take the time to provide a positive rating so that credit can be received for the time given to answer your question. A positive rating does not mean that the conversation has to end, but it does ensure credit is given to the expert :)