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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 765
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I'm not sure what to do the guy i am friends with benefits

Customer Question

I'm not sure what to do the guy i am friends with benefits with i'll call him Mr.R most of the time he seems intrested in me other times not.He is married but separated for over 9 years now,i dont know if he has a girlfriend or not.He is older then me i am 33 he is 58 of course he alot more experience then me,last year i lost my virginity to him but he thinks i am lieing about being a virgin.Only time he calls is when he wants to COME OVER.One time i gave him a key chain he got suspicious over why i gave it to him.Last time we were intimate after that he told me to find someone else yet he still wants to come visit me.I lack alot of dating experience not sure what he really wants or trying to say or what.What do you think about this.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I love how he makes me feels a mans hug and touch feels good.I miss a mans hug just not sure how Mr R. really feels about me
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Hi! Good afternoon! I hope that I can help you out today! Well, first I think that he may recognize that he has some reservations or fears because of his own insecurities. Maybe he mentioned you moving on to someone else because he feels that he cannot give you a committed relationship because he is legally married. Or maybe the age difference actually scares him? I think that sometimes when a man is in a relationship with a younger woman, it actually makes them question whether or not one day you may find a "young buck" to come and replace him if he can no longer satisfy you. It sounds like he enjoys the intimacy with you but fears that he could not emotionally satisfy you?
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
The other thing is that I truly suggest that you have an honest conversation with him about it.You can say something like, "I just wanted to let you know that I have been pretty open with you about my feelings and I have enjoyed the intimacy that we have had. I have been honest with you about how the sexual experience that I had with you was my first one and I know that you also have had more experiences than me. I do think that you have been skeptical about if I was telling the truth or not about these things, but I have been pretty vulnerable. I am a little confused about you telling me that we should continue to be intimate but yet that I should find someone else. I am not sure if that means that I have only been a sexual object to you or if there is more to it. I enjoy your touch and I am not concerned about our age differences or our differing life experiences. I just like how I feel when we are together. Can you give me a little bit more information or clarity on what it is that you may be wanting from me?"
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
I just wanted to check back in and find out if you feel that you were given a satisfactory answer. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance :) Thanks, Jules
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Just wanted to follow up and ask you to provide a positive rating so that credit can be received for the answer given if you felt that it was helpful. A positive rating does not mean that our communication on the topic has to cease :) Thanks, Jules