That same day we talked she wanted me to come and help her…

I am curious if some of her actions are her attempts to make you feel that you were not a good caretaker, although you were very diligent with him. She may be attempting to justify her thoughts or fears through saying negative things about your actions. This may help her rationalize or justify her actions of picking fights with you..... Maybe ask her how you can help her to feel that you are making the right steps to improve your role as a partner and father figure, because this is what you most want.

Well, did you feel that it was intimate? like was there the emotional connection present during the sex. I don't think she hates you at all-- I think she is scared and defensive and misses you, but does not want to be vulnerable to you just yet, so she masks it with anger.

Well, do you think you could ask her about the sexual encounter? Or maybe tell her that you enjoyed the opportunity to be with her. Tell her that it was nice to be close to her and that you miss that intimacy. Rub her back in case it is bothering her with the pregnancy and ask her if there is anything that you can do for her that would make her feel safe and comforted.

Oh I see. That is really confusing. It sounds also like she may feel the need to be in control? does that make sense? She wanted to have sex on her terms, like when she wanted it, etc, and then she did not want you to touch her. Do you feel like she is making demands about what she wants from you and that you guys are in a power struggle?

There appears to be a "trickle down" effect occurring. Stress with a relationship can definitely do that to a person. I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with. Do you have a boss or supervisor that you feel you can speak to and ask for some leniency?

I do think that talking to someone at work would help you. You have been keeping a lot to yourself and that is very difficult.you sound like a really nice and compassionate person-- when you give so much to others, it feels like it hurts even more.... Have you asked her about your clothes and bringing them upstairs? What if you just simply brought them up there and put them back where they were? Would that open the conversation for you guys to talk more honestly about what you both want?

What would happen if you went and stayed at your mother's for a while? Is there a place you could go, where you would feel supported, but it would also feel "neutral" and she could trust you while you are there? To me it sounds like you have been a good partner and have offered communication, but she has not been receptive.

You sound really stuck.... but that could be a good thing-- it could force you guys to work through this. Have you tried to share with her that you would likely to calmly talk? That your only option is to be with her because you want to make this relationship work. you cannot point out her flaws. I hope you still have the information that I sent you about healthy conflict. You could also try writing her a letter about what you want and what you see for your future and that you are ready to focus on forgiveness and accepting that you guys have a future together.

Okay, let me think on it a minute. I have a meeting, but then I will be available..... I apologize for the delay.

You are really welcome. I am just sorry that I can't do more for you. I wish you had more support and that you could find a way to communicate with her that would make more of a difference. I wonder what would happen if you did stay down in the basement and carried on in a normal manner if she would come down more often and try to make amends with you? almost like reverse psychology?

I would assume that she took your belongings down there when she was angry. It was probably a moment of weakness and she was trying to hurt you. I don't agree that this was appropriate for her to do; in fact that sort of behavior is not okay in a relationship.Do you think it would be possible to write down a list of things that you recognize that you could change and then ask her how you guys can manage to get through this with a solution?

So you want her to show some more initiative..... are you seeing other signs than the sexual initiation from yesterday? She has seemed to need to see some sort of attention from you, but does not use her words to express this.

That is a good sign.I can tell you have this internal struggle that really affects you. It does sound lonely, but you are never alone. You do have your spiritual relationship. It also may be good for you to make a list of those who support you, even if it is from a distance; find exceptions to these dark thoughts; list the reasons why you are a loving and compassionate person with so much to offer.Have you ever heard of mirror work? It is simple and powerful. It involves looking in the mirror and saying your affirmations. Mirrors reflect our feelings back to us. Make eye contact with yourself. Let you soul speak..... Look yourself in the eye and say something positive. Tell yourself that you love and appreciate yourself anyway. You are a gift. You mentioned church earlier and praying.... God is your strength, rock, and He cares for you. One of my favorite hymns is His Eye is On the Sparrow. Think of these lyrics.....Acknowledge yourself and who you are. Don't resolve to feeling that you wont have a blessed life-- instead say, I have a blessed life. My life is a blessing. You can change your thoughts.....You will find as your self-love grows, that your self-respect will as well and that you will find the strength to make the changes that will help you accomplish what you most want. Love is always within you.... As you are more self-loving, you will become more lovable. You will find that you depend less on her for the emotional support and you will feel stronger and she may even recognize this internal change.....

That is great! I do think that you will have to rely on your spirituality for strength right now. I appreciate your feedback.... Thank you for processing so honestly with me....

I will be here as long as they keep me :) No plans of changing anything!!

I hope that things are looking up for you! Please don't forget to provide a positive rating if you feel that the information has been helpful! you can always look me up as CounselorJules if you need anything!!

Oh no! I am so sorry! Are you holding up okay?

well, you know that you are not a deadbeat dad. You are a good provider. I think that you were just trying to share your feelings with her and help her to understand how hard all of this has been and that you were looking for support not criticism. Maybe try telling her that you were just being honest and vulnerable with her. Let her know how committed you are and that she does not need to fear that you would ever be a deadbeat dad.

Can I ask you what you feel that you gain from the relationship? I know that you love her, but it sounds like there is a presence of criticism. I think that a healthy relationship would be more positive and appreciative? You seem to be a generous person and I hate to hear that you are taken advantage of or emotionally unsupported.

That makes me sad. Do you feel like most of your efforts are criticized or go unnoticed. Do you feel that you are doing anything right in her eyes?I wonder what it is that she actually wants from you? I wonder if you asked her to be specific but also tell you what she feels that you do provide if it would be helpful?Yes, I do. I can send the request. I will be available at 8 if you would like to make the request or I can; either way, just let me know.