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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 781
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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...a time ago I was advised that it would take

Customer Question

...a long time ago I was advised that it would take time and to never give up on Michael. I haven't given up been waiting since 2012 to get back together with him. I am now divorced for a over a year in a half. Michael and I talk and even flirt but he knows how I feel and I just need to know if he will be leaving cindy soon and if he plans on selling the house and plans on me and him getting together and have a future together. I need to know how much he loves me if its the same as I feel or if Michael and I will never be together. Why is he so distant now?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.
Good evening! My name is***** you for using the site and for being so vulnerable and open about your relationship question! Can you provide me any more details about your situation that could potentially help me, help you :)
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I haven't heard back from you, so i am going to go ahead and attempt to provide an answer the best that I can without any additional information.

First, I can understand your frustration in feeling that you have received mixed messages from him. It sounds like you had a strong soul type of connection with him. My heart hurts for you because I understand the pain of being "stuck" and feeling that you either have no closure or you have no clue in what to expect next. Honestly, while you love him, if he is acting in a distant manner, i encourage you to focus on how you can increase your autonomy and independence. You sound like a good partner-- someone who is willing to give it all in a relationship. You need to make sure that you establish your boundaries in relationships. Mainly because you need to let them know that you have enough self-respect to ensure that a relationship does not have a revolving door. I suggest that if he is in a relationship, than you, despite your deep connections with him, allow that relationship to either progress or digress. Basically, focus on your health and well-being. Your affirmation and worth does not come from his love or acceptance. It comes from knowing your own purpose and knowing that you were created perfectly by a higher power and that you offer more than just allowing someone to come around when he is ready. Be empowered. Focus on your life. Focus on your personal goals, your passions, affirm yourself with positive self-talk. He is in a relationship it sounds, so that suggests that he is not really available to move forward with you just yet. You dont want to be someone's back-up plan-- You want to be their priority. I encourage you to communicate with him that you are in a place of hurt and you have been playing a "waiting game" for quite some time. He hasn't made the moves to be with you- so resign the control that he has over you. Allow yourself to flourish and understand who you are. I am not suggesting giving him an ultimatum, but asserting your feelings and self-respect. You can do this in a vulnerable manner that allows him to understand your pain, you can express empathy, but you can also let him know that you recognize that your feelings matter. Maybe him seeing that confidence in you, will make him realize that he either has to make a decision or he can resign to losing you. It doesnt mean that you dont love him any longer, but it means that you release the hold that he has on you and you can grow as a person.

A great book I would refer to for you is called "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. It is about attracting what you want in your life through positive thoughts and understanding that you cannot get stuck in negative thoughts that create fear, anxiety, and insecurity.

Please let me know what you think! Best Wishes! I am happy to continue assisting. I may be able to add a few additional links following this message. Please bare with me. I dont want to burden you or send several emails, but I do want to provide excellent and thorough service!

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I just wanted to follow up with you and find out if there was anything that I can clarify or help you with :)