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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 765
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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Ok, My girlfriend and I of two years broke up a month or so

Customer Question

JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: My girlfriend and I of two years broke up a month or so ago..we lived together and she moved out We are now somewhat back together but her time is limited and makes no time for the relationship because of work her 3 children.. Saw her in Monday and is not available till Saturday
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: She feels I cheated on her which is not the case
JA: Our top Psychologist is ready to take your case. Just pay the $5 fully refundable deposit and I'll fill the Psychologist in on everything we've discussed. You can go back and forth with the Psychologist until you're 100% satisfied. We guarantee it.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Good afternoon! I am hopeful that I will be able to help you today! I amy need to understand a bit more information in order to specifically provide the answer you most need. Is your question of how to proceed forward in the relationship? Or how to ask for more time with her? And also, please provide me the reasons why she may feel that you were unfaithful. Then I think I will be able to help you more :)

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

The first thing that comes to mind is that you may need some help understanding how to ask for what you most want in the relationship. It sounds like you would appreciate and like more time with her. She seems to be pretty busy with obligations and I am assuming that you guys did not move right back in together. One of the suggestions that i make to couples is that we explore the "Five Love Languages." I'm going to provide you with a brief description of these and also a few links that may be helpful.

#1: Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

#2: Quality Time For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

#3: Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

#4: Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

#5: Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Those are just a few things to consider in understanding how to give and receive love. This will help you communicate your needs, and if she is able to identify her needs as well, you guys will have a greater chance at success.

Another thing to consider is how you guys have established boundaries in the relationship.setting boundaries is an important part of any relationship. To have the healthiest relationship, both partners should know each other’s wants, goals, fears and limits. You should feel comfortable communicating your honest needs to your partner without being afraid of what they might do in response. If your partner tells you that your needs are stupid, gets angry with you or goes against what you’re comfortable with, then your partner is not showing you the respect you deserve. You have to be willing to offer the same however.

She has been wounded by the possibility of infidelity. I encourage you to allow her to communicate her fears about this. You may want to make sure that you are not defensive as she talks to you, this may lead her to feel resentment toward you.

If you feel that you would like more time with her, ask her how you can help her balance her obligations, or even participate in some of the activities with her and her children.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
May I call you tomorrow morning 10est time
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I will be teaching group tomorrow at that time. I will be available at 11:15 eastern time (10:15 am my time.) If you put the request in for the call around that time, I can accept the service. Would that be helpful?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Can you call me(###) ###-####When you are available?
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Sure, I will send in the request for the call as soon as I am finished with my group. Coincidentally, I am teaching about healthy relationships. :)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you
I'll wait to hear from you
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Great, just look for the service request through the website :)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Will do
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I am available for the call until 1:00 central time if you are still available.

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