Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

This answer was rated:

I am datinga much older man, 56. I am 38. In a nutshell,

here are the issues: He...
I am datinga much older man, 56. I am 38. In a nutshell, here are the issues: He had chemical induced cancer from the military 13 years ago. As a result, he has necrosis in his larger limbs and has to have double hip and double shoulder replacement. We have been dating for 4 months. He told me a month into the relationship that he has had a hip replaced. He told me 2 months he has to have the other hip and both shoulders. He also takes thyroid medicine for overactive thyroid.... Because he wasn't up front about all these issues, I'm wondering what else didn't he tell me. After I through a fit, he told me that I now know everything. When I asked him last week is it a chance the cancer could return, he said a possibility. My concern is that I have dated, seriously, 10 men in my lifetime and this man treats me like I'm gold. He is everything I wanted in a man. But I don't want to marry him and then 5 years later he's debilitated for some reason. Or I could take the risk and be happy for as long as we can. There is also a chance that after the hips and arms are replaced, his cancer may not return and we could be happy. Am I thinking clearly?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 4 minutes by:
3/16/2016
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Good afternoon! I wanted to let you know that you have a professional available and I will be formulating an answer for you. Please bare with me while I prepare an answer. In the meantime, please provide any additional information that may help me, help you.

Thank you Julie :)

Ask Your Own Relationship Question

You know, you are in a tough position. I want to normalize your confusion. You have fallen head over heels for a man and now you are afraid to lose him. I understand that..... One thing that I do want you to consider, is that love is always a risk. We really don't know what is ahead of us in any relationship. I read a quote yesterday that said, "There are two days that we can do nothing about-- tomorrow and yesterday. So live in the present." We really have no idea what the future brings-- you may feel that you have an idea because of certain awareness related to his health, but you do know right now, how he makes you feel. I tend to believe that two primary emotions drive our behaviors-- fear or love. You may want to take some time and understand what is motivating you right now.... We tend to guard ourselves from being hurt, I think that your concerns are out of fear of being hurt, so you are confused if you feel strong enough to manage that in the future. I commend you for being so vulnerable about the place you are emotionally in. I have worked with client's who have had a partner diagnosed with a chronic illness and experienced either loss or healing. Both sides of the coin agree that they would do it all over again-- they would not miss out on the chance for that love. It was an experience that they would not give up because it was an integral part of this life's journey.

With patience and commitment, there are ways you and your partner can deal with the strain a chronic illness can place on your relationship.

Here are some links that I want you to explore. I hope that this is helpful.

http://marriage.about.com/od/healthyliving/a/chronillness.htm

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/586288

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=29912734

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/chronic-illness-seven-relationship-tips

You said, "He is everything I wanted in a man." You have contrast from the other relationships you have been in.... you have been given a gift. Think from love, rather than fear.....

I hope that this has been helpful. We can continue communicating if necessary :)

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified
CounselorJules and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you sooooo much! This was very helpful. I'm tearful right now because it's almost like I needed someone to give me permission to be happy and to enjoy this love that I have for this man.Be blessed!!! and thanks again!!
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
827 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,741 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

377 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My husband left me 2 weeks ago after 22 years of marriage.
Hi! My name is***** husband left me 2 weeks ago after 22 years of marriage. We have a 11 year old son together.How do I get him to come back … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I have some relationship problems can't make new friends I
I have some relationship problems can't make new friends I need the opinion of an expert in relationships maybe I get some tips how to improve my social skills … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I need advice on how to continue with my relationship. Have
I need advice on how to continue with my relationship … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
Wait til you hear this one.. I've been divorced for almost
Wait til you hear this one..I've been divorced for almost 14 years now. Was in a loveless marriage. I was very young and fathered 5 children in 10 years.Post divorce I raised the children solo and my … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
The high school not so sweet heart called me and left a
Hi Jen, The high school not so sweet heart called me and left a message asking how I am doing and for me to call him back. Couldn't hear the entire message, was muffled. I wonder if he was drinking. I… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
My daughter, whom I have a strained relationship with, just
My daughter, whom I have a strained relationship with, just texted me and asked me to come over to her home on Saturday for cake and ice cream forms birthday. . I am living with my significant other a… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
For expert: I'd like to start this thread focusing on having
For expert Martin:Hi I'd like to start this thread focusing on having him come and visit. A systematic approach to make it happen since I won't get to his place till maybe in another two months.Rememb… read more
Martin
Martin
Electrical engineer
Bachelor's Degree
486 satisfied customers
How do I talk to him about his texting habits? I've recently
How do I talk to him about his texting habits?I've recently started seeing a co-worker of mine. When we are together everything is amazing. He's affectionate, listens to me, shares about himself, resp… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I'm in a new relationship with a man. We both have kids with
Hi. I'm in a new relationship with a man. We both have kids with our exes. And we're having a challenge wanting to spend special occasions together, because our exes aren't ready to accept us, let alo… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,741 satisfied customers
My Soon to be Husband wants to relocate from Columbus Ohio
My Soon to be Husband wants to relocate from Columbus Ohio to Houston Texas where he will work with his Father and where his Father has bought us a house. I have shared parenting with my sons father. … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
Abbott, how are you today? I'm doing ok. I went to see my
Hi Dr. Abbott, how are you today? I'm doing ok. I went to see my psychologist yesterday and everything was fine you know thinking the usual then I got to thinking “maybe I don't want to be with a girl… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a situation i need help with. I am a sophomore girl
i am a sophomore girl in college and within the last few months became very close with a senior boy. he seemed very interested - would ask to hang out, invited me out with his friends, would text me just to check in. after a few months of nothing, i told him ihad feelings and he said that he didn't reciprocate and that he acted along so as not to hurt my feelings bcause he knew i had feelings. we continued to be friends, but he still flirted. he graduated a week ago, and i just received something in the mail. he mailed me his graduation gown with a note saying "keep a small piece of me alive at school for the next two years!" i dont know what to make of this or if tehre's anything i should do … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
How do I talk to him about his texting habits? I've recently
Second opinion] How do I talk to him about his texting habits?I've recently started seeing a co-worker of mine. When we are together everything is amazing. He's affectionate, listens to me, shares abo… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us
Hello. I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us needs to get married, we have commitment in our hearts. The problem has always been his daughter. She lost her mother to a drug overdose … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been together for almost 5. Her family is visiting us from Romania and she has known her brother-in-law for many years....however, this past week… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
How to interpret mixed signals from a guy? He seems great
How to interpret mixed signals from a guy? He seems great and interested in person but comes off as uninterested in text messages?… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
I just mate this guy. Through social media. 4 weeks ago.he
i just mate this guy. Through social media. 4 weeks ago.he lives another statefor school. he talkes about marriage how he loves me all. But the problem he asking me to visit him to keep the relationship go.I told him wait i don't want be physical with before marriage. he keep nagging me if i dont go see him he will brokeup. i loved him already. I dont want lose him???? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I recently found the generic Viagra in my husbands nitebag/
Hi, I recently found the generic Viagra in my husbands nitebag/ We live in 2 cities and have been very busy with work, family, etc.. We haven't had sex for a month right now When I confronted him ( ca… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x