Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

My husband seems like he stopped caring about my feelings.

Customer Question
Before, when he would see...
My husband seems like he stopped caring about my feelings. Before, when he would see that I was hurt or crying, he would ask me what is wrong and try to help. Now, he tells me to go to another room so he doesn't hear me cry. He has less patience as well, and loses his temper at me really fast and often
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
He wants to have kids, I don't think that's a smart idea. He's made me promises that he hasn't kept so I feel like trust levels are really low on both sides. I feel like he puts all the responsibility on me about everything.
Answered in 1 hour by:
3/11/2016
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience: Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
Verified

Hi - I'm Dr. Greene and I'd be happy to help.

Can I ask how long you knew each other before you got married? Did you live together beforehand at all?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
We dated for nearly a year, and no we didn't live together
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Okay - thank you. The reason I asked is because it typically takes two years for a relationship to "settle." For the first 12-18 months people are in the infatuation stage of a relationship (where everything the other partner does is adorable, etc), and fights don't occur that often. It's when we are at our best - - - and on our best behavior.

Given that the two of you weren't together that long before you wed, it's difficult to know what your husband's typical long-term relationship behavior really is. This could, actually, be typical of him, and isn't a reflection of you at all!

That said, I think you're right not to rush into having kids because you need to have a stable connection (where communication is more open) before bringing more variables into it.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Are you open to trying some new tactics when fights arise?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Yeah I am
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Okay - so, how does it go now? Do you approach him to talk during the fight? Immediately after? When the crying happens, is it in response to what he is saying, or kind of a defense mechanism for you?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
I try to smooth things over if we had a fight, sometimes it's immediately after, sometimes after we've both had space. Mostly I would cry if I feel he is being really inconsiderate, it hurts because he used to be very considerate.
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

I completely understand that, and don't blame you for becoming tearful. It can feel very callous when someone ignores our pain. Though, I'm not sure it's meant as a callous gesture, as yet... Oftentimes it can be very difficult to see someone cry - especially in response to our words/actions. Men, in particular, can be very bothered by this. I'm wondering if it's making him feel guilty/inadequate/upset? If so, he might respond by angrily telling you to leave the space because he doesn't know how to handle those feelings. Basically, I'm wondering if he, too, is hurt by the situation and it's becoming a vicious circle, of sorts.

Have you ever tried giving him gentle feedback that his words are upsetting you, and leaving the room of your own accord to gather your emotions (1- so you don't cry, and 2-so he knows it's not alright to be inconsiderate)?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
That could be it. There are situations where I think he wants to help but he doesn't know how to/cant. I guess at this point I just feel so drained that most of the time I snap instead of leaving the room to gather my emotions
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
He also has a friend whose wife is really controlling, emotionally and otherwise and I think he's projecting that on me, to kinda not let himself end up in that situation. I am aware that sometimes I could be emotionally manipulative also so that doesn't help
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
I want to go get marriage counseling for the both of us but he doesn't want to, I don't know how to let him know that I just want to learn how to communicate better with him
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

I hear you - and I'm very sorry that you're experiencing this. The stress must be so tough. Please know that I'm acknowledging that. I hope you can take some time to do what you need to do to self-soothe or spend time with friends/family that loves you. You need/deserve that.

And, the more you tell me, the more I think you're right on the money. It sounds like he may be projecting a bit (not much we can do about that, for now); but, more importantly, he may also be internalizing that helplessness. That feeling of "I used to make my wife happy and now all I do is make her cry!"

So, I'm wondering if it wouldn't help to make sure to compliment him on the things he's really doing right - make him feel like the strong, amazing man that you married again. Then, when you guys are in a really good place, it might be time to gently ask him about an issue you two have. If it's brought up when you're feeling happy (in a way that's nonconfrontational), it may work better. He'll feel less threatened, and you'll feel less attacked. Does that make sense?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
absolutely. Thanks
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Dr-A-Green Your Own Question
Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
309 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Clinical and Forensic Psychologist

Dr-A-Green is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us
Hello. I have been in a 9 year relationship. Neither one of us needs to get married, we have commitment in our hearts. The problem has always been his daughter. She lost her mother to a drug overdose … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I just asked my good friend for space. She has been hounding
I just asked my good friend for space. She has been hounding me on an issue that happened last year, that she'd forgiven me for almost immediately and I am so tired of hearing about it. I feel like so… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Why do some son and mom's want sex with each other. I have a
Why do some son and mom's want sex with each other … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
Here is my question... met this girl I really like about a 2
hi. so here is my question... met this girl I really like about a 2 months ago . it happened that my birthday was recently so he got me as present a trip to san francisco … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
Well my girlfriend finally got in touch with me this
Well my girlfriend finally got in touch with me this morning, she was upset because I didn't text her goodmornin but I was on Facebook, considering that I gave her space, and that she said she would g… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I have a question regarding a polyamorous relationship. I
I have a question regarding a polyamorous relationship … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I'm 20 year old female and married, I love my partner but he
I'm 20 year old female and married, I love my partner but he is very jealous and over exaggerates sometimes. We tend to argue for the simplest things ever to and we are at the point where we love each… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Should I contact him again? Yesterday I texted the guy I'm
Should I contact him again?Yesterday I texted the guy I'm seeing to message me about when we could get together to talk about something important. However he worked last night and didn't look at the m… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My husband has cheated on me twice. I forgave him. we went
My husband has cheated on me twice. I forgave him. we went to counseling and it seem to be working we bought a new house last year. he told me he loved me and couldnt see himself with anybody but me. … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Went on an online date and think he wants a 2nd but not sure
Hey I went on an online date and think he wants a 2nd but not sure if he just wants sex? I'd like to but I don't know if it's the right thing to do … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
Will my marriage last and will be happy again or stay
Will my marriage last and will be happy again or stay roommates for our son? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I just finished my sophomore year of college. i took a class
hi! i just finished my sophomore year of college. i took a class in my first semester of this past year in which i became friends with a senior boy. he would sit with me everyday, asked for my number,… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
Been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, but this
Been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, but this month has been rough, she found out some things and I found out some things.. but last night she found out this girl messaged me, thanking me… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I have another question. Why does he always read my messages
I have another question. Why does he always read my messages by takes hours or even a day to reply? Is it a sign of lack of interest?He will take hours or even a day to reply even though he will read … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
I am dating this guy. I really like him. He's handsome,
I am dating this guy. I really like him. He's handsome, sweet, and he has a life of his own. We've been on a few dates and known each other for about a month (texted 2 weeks previous). He's very atten… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
20 satisfied customers
I have a relationship issue that I could use some help with.
I have a relationship issue that I could use some help with … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
That's s is a mental health question. My daughter is an
That's s is a mental health question. My daughter is an unusual case. I have never met anyone like her. She seemed to develop her behavior over the years after high school. Went to college, worked as … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
433 satisfied customers
I have a question about women sending me emojis in text
I have a question about women sending me emojis in text messages … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x