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My husband he hast erection problem. He bought viagra from…

My husband he hast...

My husband he hast erection problem. He bought viagra from web shopping and he told me. But I found out that my husband is taking viagra secretly. he has not told me that he is taking it. He hide viagra pills in jewerly box. Sometimes bcuz of my job I need to travel and Im away from home for some days. He took viagra when I was away. I dont know how and what should I think of this.

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

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Answered in 6 hours by:
3/11/2016
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Good morning. I would like to be able to help you this morning. If you dont mind, I am going to take some time to provide you with a thorough response, but I wanted to let you know that an expert was working to provide you a satisfactory answer. Please bare with me :)

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Erectile dysfunction, or the inability to obtain or maintain an erection, is not difficult for just the man. Women can have a very difficult time coping with this condition as well. Feeling frustrated, angry, sad, confused, resentful and even unattractive are all common emotions a woman may experience if her husband suffers from erectile dysfunction. Although handling your husband's erectile dysfunction is difficult, there are things that can be done to make it easier.

I am providing information related to the entire topic of ED. and hopefully provide perspective on your husband's actions....

He may have hidden his choice because of his own vulnerability. He is probably embarrassed, frustrated and anxious. Try not to take the situation personally. Making snide comments or showing your frustration or annoyance will most likely only exacerbate the problem.

Communicate. Although it's important to keep his feelings in mind, you should be open and honest about your own feelings about the situation. Avoid being judgmental or condescending when talking to him about the problem, but suppressing your own feelings about the situation may only build your own resentment or anger.

Continue connecting with him to empower him. Increase intimacy in other ways....

Find non-sexual ways to connect. In today's busy world, couples can lose sight of why they fell in love in the first place. Reconnecting and strengthening your relationship as a couple will not only help your relationship, but in some cases may help with the erectile dysfunction itself.

Thank him and encourage him in the fact that he sought medication to help his concern. Your encouragement needs to come across as supportive, not condescending or judgmental.

He may have tried the Viagra while you were away, to see how he reacts to it, before trying it while you were home. Maybe he is engaging in self-pleasure because it feels "safer" or he feels more in control.

Before you let fear drive your thoughts to far, just talk to him, gently about the situation. Not in an accusatory manner, but with a vulnerable approach.

I hope that is helpful, but we can continue processing as needed.

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I hope that you were able to view the answer and find it helpful. I hope you will provide a positive rating and accept the answer. Best wishes! Julie

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you for the answer . I never judge him about his erectile dysfunction. I was and I am very supportive of his inability and he said many time's that he feels very comfortable with me about his erectile dysfunction and he said thanks for my support.
And it's not the first time he taking the pills to see how he reacts to it. Actually pills reacts pretty good.
So that's why I wonder why he took pills while I were away ? If he feels comfortable with me.

Candidly speaking, do you think that his new found stimulation may lead to self-pleasure while you're away? Such as engaging in masturbation? He may have re-awoken that sexual drive and his libido may have increased.... seeking him to engage in self-gratification?

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
What you are saying is sensibly for me.
If I talk to him abut this, do not cause him feels embarrassing? What approach is the best about this? Should I talk about it at all or just leave it?

I understand the concern about asking him. I am processing the best way to bring this up....If you choose to mention it, I think your timing will be important. You definitely don't want to be in the midst of a fight. You also don't want to be accusatory. This may lead to more problems.

you have to also think about your reasons for asking? Are you concerned that he may be unfaithful? Are there other signs that you are concerned about? Is he more withdrawn in your own sex life at this time?

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http://www.encognitive.com/node/5192

This is an interesting link that may be helpful....

And this article addresses a woman's perspective

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/08/viagra-womens-health_n_892731.html

Another article, that you may find interesting is the following:

http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/causes-of-divorce/sexual/does-taking-viagra-lead-to-divorce.aspx?artid=987

The last really addresses the concerns you are talking about.... It seems that other women have felt the same concerns that you are experiencing. This article is candid, but honest. It discusses a man's response to the viagra, and how it can lead their partners to have a concern about an increase in libido and lead them to feeling self-conscious.

What if you brought up the issue with vulnerability? And talked about how you noticed the use of the pills and then it led you to feel conscious because you love him and hope that you are able to satisfy him. You may ask him if your being gone with work is difficult for him? Something you guys may try together is exploring your "love languages" to help you meet the needs of one another.... I will include a link about that page and also there is a free quiz for both partners. It is a great tool to use in relationships at any rate!

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

https://www.iacac.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/D31-I-Hate-Your-Job-The-5-Love-Languages.pdf

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Let me know what you think of that information. We can continue if needed :)

If you have found this information to be satisfactory, please take the time to provide a positive rating!

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Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you so much for the answers and articles. It's given me a lot of information.
Yes the only reason for asking is that I'm concerned that he may be unfaithful. Bcuz I was thinking that he has erectile dysfunction but when he using the pills then no one can notice that he has difficulties with erection.
Our sex life is good when I'm home and we have sexual activity and he seems always excited. And I always tried to keep communications to combat these isolatingredients or hiding behaviors. Even thought I support him, however , he hides it from me.

I'm sure it's just a vulnerable issue for him. Men want to (stereotypically) be strong, protective, and act as providers. I bet it's simply a sensitive topic and maybe he is somewhat embarrassed regarding the topic. I encourage you to keep sensuality and physical touch part of your daily routine-- even if it isn't sexual, and continue facilitating encounters to encourage his security and show him you desire him. You seem to be a conscientious partner and even though, there may be times where you feel vulnerable, I hope that you feel secure in your relationship. Sometimes, I think these insecurities simply create opportunities to keep us connected to our partners.

I wish you the best.

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 827
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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