Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

In a 20year marriage. He is polar, critical, domineering and…

Customer Question
In a 20year marriage. He...
In a 20year marriage. He is bi polar, critical, domineering and introverted. Im outgoing, productive, very responsible, social and enjoy interacting and some freedom to do so.
We have two sons. The youngest leaves for college in Aug. I moved to another bedroom in the house after he exploded (again) just before Thanksgiving.
He wants me to 1-move back into the bedroom
2-focus on our relationship primarily which will mean doing our life on his terms.
I am not sure if I can authentically be in this relationship or if I should leave this fall.
Wish I had a crystal ball to know what to do.
I am an attractive 50s female and would have no problem dating.
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
3/8/2016
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr-A-Green
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience: Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
Verified

It sounds like there are several things at play here. While Bipolar Disorder may be his primary diagnosis, it also sounds like there are relational issues that go beyond that. If he is critical and domineering (wants you to follow his version of how the marriage progresses), that is unlikely to change (without joint therapy). If you do not feel valued - or at the very least, listened to - an attempt to stay when you are unhappy doesn't seem like it will lead to anything but more frustration.

Since your children are grown, it seems like a great time to take stock of where you are and how you'd like to proceed. If he's amenable, it might be the right time to ask him to engage in marital therapy. If not, it might be a good time to engage in some therapy of your own - whether that be with a therapist, or just talking to friends and building up a strong support network. That way, if you decide to make a change, you'll have plenty of supportive people around you. In fact, this last bit is probably a good idea whether you decide to leave the marriage or stay in it. Having an adequate network of others around you will help you reflect on your life and what you need.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Have you asked your husband to go to therapy? Is this something you'd like to invest in doing, or are you feeling as though you'd be happier on your own?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
I have a great network of friends and always have. Lots of support from them and my family. We just cannot get on the same page primarily because he keeps flipping them to stay in control. Narcissistic, fearful, scared, introverted, and demanding of me...I feel like there is so much damage done to my spirit; I won't be able to invest to make this work. I can"hang in" here, but don't think I can return to this same patterns. The patterns of relating have changed a bit, but when we get close to the way things were I hate it and he returns to his same slippery self.
Its late, is there another time to call? Tomorrow?
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Yes, of course. I'll be available after 9am, Pacific Time. Shall I check back then?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

Since I don't have the capability of a one-to-one call (at this point), I'm going to open this up to another expert.

Thank you and the best of luck to you.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Dr-A-Green, Psychologist replied 2 years ago

If you reconsider and would like to chat via online services, just let me know.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Dr. Z, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10,643
Experience: I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
Verified

Hello and thank you for using just answer. The previous expert opted out of this question but I would be happy to help you with your question. If you want a phone call, I can offer it to you through the premium service, please let me know. Thank you.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,744
1,744 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

TherapistMaryAnn is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

377 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My partner and I recently moved in together and I had felt
My partner and I recently moved in together and I had felt entirely happy, fulfilled, (but not codependent) with the relationship as a whole. This is the first time I've pursed love with someone that … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
961 satisfied customers
I was married for 12 years. Divorced for 5 of which 3 I was
I was married for 12 years. Divorced for 5 of which 3 I was in a bad relationship. I met a man and we had a TON of fun! We moved in together. Within a year my career soared, I turned 40 and my younges… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
Can a 40 year old man and a 20 year old girl live together
Can a 40 year old man and a 20 year old girl live together in college housing, without having sex ?… read more
Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford
CEO
Doctoral Degree
29 satisfied customers
I want a second opinion: How can you rebuild trust? I fell
How can you rebuild trust? I fell in love with someone who told me they were divorced. After 5 months, he admits he is still married and I stayed because I loved him. She cheated on him with his best … read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
Kate, I hoped I can ask for clarification. Its Dee. When
Kate, I hoped I can ask for clarification. It's Dee. When my husband behaves in ways that is unkind, dismissive, or seems deliberately emotionally abusive, how can I differentiate the cause? Is it mal… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,744 satisfied customers
My guy says he wants some space from our relationship. That
My guy says he wants some space from our relationship. That he views it as over and that there is little chance of reconcilliation...but he keeps trying to make plans for activities together- and he i… read more
SREED177
SREED177
Family Resource Specialist
Master\u0027s Degree
6 satisfied customers
Ive been with my boyfriend for about two years. We met by
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. We met by collaborating on a business project. At the time it was strictly business and I was not looking for love, but we realize we had so much in co… read more
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown
Marriage Therapist
Doctoral Degree
427 satisfied customers
Hello im a female 24, college student and I work. I recently
Hello i'm a female 24, college student and I work. I recently reconnected with an ex, meaning we're dating again(after leaving him 3 times). I don't know if I made the right choice. When we first met … read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship with a man for 4yrs. We both came straight
I was in a relationship with a man for 4yrs. We both came straight from a marriage and both divorced our former spouses and started living together. This was all within a very short period of time. We… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
My boyfriend of 8 years isnt as sexually attracted to me.
My boyfriend of 8 years isn't as sexually attracted to me. He tells me its because I don't get out of the house and have fun with him and that he sees me in pajamas all the time. I'm not a social pers… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I am a 62 year old female who has been in a long-term relationship
I am a 62 year old female who has been in a long-term relationship for 10 years. He has strayed on me before having moved out in 2009 for a month and then moving back in after it didn't work out. Thin… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
My wife had a sudden change of heart...i was her favorite,
my wife had a sudden change of heart...i was her favorite, then she went quickly to i no longer love you...it seems like a sudden and drastic personality change...any ideas what could casuse this?… read more
Expert
Expert
I HAVE TRIED MY WHOLE LIFE TO MAKE MY MOM HAPPY FEELING QUILTY
I HAVE TRIED MY WHOLE LIFE TO MAKE MY MOM HAPPY FEELING QUILTY FOR BEING BY-POLAR. SHE MANY TIMES WAS NOT THERE FOR ME ,WHICH IN MANY WAYS WAS POSSITIVE B/K I LEARNED TO RELAY ON MYSELF. SHE CAN BE QU… read more
Cathy
Cathy
Master\u0027s Degree
243 satisfied customers
My 25 year-old daughter engaged to married in one year. The
My 25 year-old daughter engaged to married in one year. The problem is both sets of parents agree that we and they are so very different in too many different ways. He is definitely a introvert and sh… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. I am
I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. I am 52 and she is 43. She has no children and I have two beautiful children that have finished college and they are working professionally. She h… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
449 satisfied customers
My X has constant money problems. She is bi-polar (and borderline
My X has constant money problems. She is bi-polar (and "borderline schizophrenic" direct quote from her psychiatrist). I helped her w/ her bankruptcy and her money problems continue, primarily due to … read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I have been in a serious dating relationship with a man that
I have been in a serious dating relationship with a man that has bi-polar disease for over 2 years now. After immense stress and begging, he is on medication that helps his moods swings and is seeing … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
I am communicating online now with a 49 year-old ...
I am communicating online now with a 49 year-old millionaire who is looking for 2 (maybe 3) women to live with in a permanent, loving relationship. He calls himself Dominant and experiments in BDSM. H… read more
Carol
Carol
Wife and mother
Special aptitude dealin with r/ship
148 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x