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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 786
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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Mt girl friend wants to follow this band out of town see the

Customer Question

Mt girl friend wants to follow this band out of town see the same show in a different city.
they just played in our town two nights ago. Our sit down seats were against the stage, During the show two of the band members hit o her in front of me. I thought i may be wrong but other people noticed. These guys are known to try a get with groupies. One her friends is single and told her she is interested in one of the guys. My girl friend got really drunk the first time we saw the band and literally was screaming at them like they strippers, louder than anyone else around us. Is it wrong for me to feel insecure in this matter? Also is it disrespectful for her to let this happen in front of me?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for asking a question this morning. Hopefully I will be able to help you out. I empathize with you on how the situation made you feel uncomfortable. It sounds like you have offered a compromise with her regarding how you can all enjoy the show. I wonder if you have also taken the time to explain to her, in a calm and vulnerable manner, that the situation made you feel uncomfortable and even insecure. I believe in healthy relationships, we take the time to let our partners know what hurts us and then we yield to their needs. We demonstrate respect for their needs and we do what we can to debunk the thought processes that may perpetuate the insecurities.

There is a lifestyle associated with band members. You are aware of this. It may have felt that the band members were looking at your girlfriend in a sexual manner and then even hitting on her was disrespectful. It is part of their show to do these types of things, but if one or both of your are uncomfortable, you remove the situation from a possibility.

I also, on a personal note, hope that you will take the time to consider your own history in past relationships and track where insecurities may have developed from, if there were any from the past. I also encourage you to stand your ground and not be a doormat for someone else's demands, especially, if you are not being respected in the relationship. Boundaries are important and make a happier, healthier partnership.

I hope that is helpful and you will provide positive feedback or accepting the answer! If more information is to be processed, please provide it so we can continue!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have had this happen to me before, If we can this band in our town is it to much to not to want her to see this band when i am not there
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I think that if you guys can communicate about it and help her understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable, I don't think it is too much to ask that she not attend. Especially if you feel like alcohol can impair judgment. I hope you guys take some time to focus on your foundation of trust also. Those concerns wont fade if you don't establish boundaries with one another. We have to protect our relationships if they are going to last.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I hope that you have been able to find a way to communicate with her. If you need further help in an approach, please let me know and we can continue processing! if not, please accept the answer and provide a positive rating!

Best wishes! And be confident in asserting your needs with respect! You can have the relationship you want. Regardless of the outcome of this situation, I hope you never forget your self-worth and that you can have the healthy respectful relationship you want.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I hope you guys have been able to talk about everything! Let me know if there is more I can help you with!