Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
I am available to help if you would like to proceed. First, I commend you for the sobriety. Do not allow this situation to affect that. I understand that feeling a loss can trigger a relapse from recovery. I encourage you to find a support group or even a sponsor to help with accountability. I teach drug court groups addressing mental health concerns and addiction, and what I have found is that most participants recognize that there is an element of grief. You have to take responsibility of the role you played and it sounds like you are. She also is taking responsibility and focusing on moving forward. I hope she takes the time to consider her self-worth and possible co-dependence if that exists, but I encourage the same for you. You don't want to be defined by your past behaviors, or by an addiction. So take this time to continue your personal restoration. Focus on what has triggered relapse or bingeing in the past and remove that stressor or establish a safety plan with accountability to avoid it. Focus on how you can be the man that you want to be; not just in that relationship; do it for yourself, do it for potential future relationships. It is hard to overcome the trauma that you guys endured, but it doesn't mean it is impossible. The important thing right now isn't reconciliation, but restoration-- for both of you. Don't pressure her, this could lead to further damage and resentment.
I also wanted you to recognize the grief cycle. A loss leads us to processing in different phases. It is normal to experience, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. During these phases, we begin to heal, but it doesnt always happen quickly. I know that it is difficult, but please stay the course with sobriety, for you if no one else.
I know that my response is helpful. I know that it doesn't resolve the issue, but I hope that it provides clarity, insight, or perspective. Please take the time to accept and rate the answer in order that I receive credit for the response. My thoughts are with you.....
That was supposed to say "I hope that my response is helpful." My gosh! Im so sorry about that! Best wishes!! Julie