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CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 781
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I recently got engaged to a wonderful man after dating a

Customer Question

I recently got engaged to a wonderful man after dating for only a year. This is a second marriage for both of us and we both have 2 daughters that live with us each. We have chosen to not live together before we get married. His kids are very excited about the new plan for the marriage and all of us living together. Mine are struggling. I will have to sell my house, he is renting his out, so that we can get a larger house to fit us all. Herein lies my fear, my concern. I am very afraid to sell my house in which I have lived for almost 20 years. I have equity in mine. He does not. I have retirement savings. He does not. I will be fashioning a prenup, but I haven't gotten the nerve to bring this up to him yet. I truly believe he loves me, but I am wondering why he wants to rush it so fast. I told him I want to wait at least another year, and I am feeling some pressure to move faster. We are a really "functional" couple, but I am finding that I am starting to question the timeline. Am I wrong to want to slow this down?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for writing and including so many details. Hopefully, I can be of some help. In relationships I feel that it is important to consider each others' needs and I think of "submission" as more of a "yielding" to needs rather than allowing someone to have all of the control. In this case, I suggest you communicate with him what your concerns are. Of course, it would be nice moving forward in relationships and marriage if there was no doubt, but you have already been through a loss and a breakup. You have to protect your assets, for you, for your kids. But more importantly, do you feel that the idea of the prenup will create a doubt in him about the security of your relationship? One perspective is that you have a safety net. your earnings and savings prior to marriage to him, are yours. You have established those prior to this and they are set aside for your children. Is it possible to rent your home out as well? You can also speak to an attorney about a "contract will." I suggest also having additional "life insurance" policies where the other is a beneficiary if that provides more security.

Most importantly, though, if you are coming from a place that you are truly not ready to begin this new life, slow down. But don't live in fear. After communicating with him and sharing your concerns, take some time to see if you are reassured. Your life is waiting.... It's normal to fear change, but you don't want to miss out on a healthy relationship because of past trauma.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 1 year ago.

I I hope this has been helpful. If so, please accept the answer and provide positive feedback :). A positive rating does not mean the communication has to cease, but o do hope you have found some clarity.