Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I recently got engaged to a wonderful man after dating a…

Customer Question
I recently got engaged to...
I recently got engaged to a wonderful man after dating for only a year. This is a second marriage for both of us and we both have 2 daughters that live with us each. We have chosen to not live together before we get married. His kids are very excited about the new plan for the marriage and all of us living together. Mine are struggling. I will have to sell my house, he is renting his out, so that we can get a larger house to fit us all. Herein lies my fear, my concern. I am very afraid to sell my house in which I have lived for almost 20 years. I have equity in mine. He does not. I have retirement savings. He does not. I will be fashioning a prenup, but I haven't gotten the nerve to bring this up to him yet. I truly believe he loves me, but I am wondering why he wants to rush it so fast. I told him I want to wait at least another year, and I am feeling some pressure to move faster. We are a really "functional" couple, but I am finding that I am starting to question the timeline. Am I wrong to want to slow this down?
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 26 minutes by:
2/28/2016
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Thank you for writing and including so many details. Hopefully, I can be of some help. In relationships I feel that it is important to consider each others' needs and I think of "submission" as more of a "yielding" to needs rather than allowing someone to have all of the control. In this case, I suggest you communicate with him what your concerns are. Of course, it would be nice moving forward in relationships and marriage if there was no doubt, but you have already been through a loss and a breakup. You have to protect your assets, for you, for your kids. But more importantly, do you feel that the idea of the prenup will create a doubt in him about the security of your relationship? One perspective is that you have a safety net. your earnings and savings prior to marriage to him, are yours. You have established those prior to this and they are set aside for your children. Is it possible to rent your home out as well? You can also speak to an attorney about a "contract will." I suggest also having additional "life insurance" policies where the other is a beneficiary if that provides more security.

Most importantly, though, if you are coming from a place that you are truly not ready to begin this new life, slow down. But don't live in fear. After communicating with him and sharing your concerns, take some time to see if you are reassured. Your life is waiting.... It's normal to fear change, but you don't want to miss out on a healthy relationship because of past trauma.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
828 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend .5 years. We
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We met on Match and have been very much in love for a long time. He is a great boyfriend and I love him so much. I had been in a 3 year r… read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
Is there hope 68 year old lady who remarried 14 years
Is there hope for a 68 year old lady who remarried 14 years ago to a younger man (8 years younger)? We seldom do anything together anymore and our conversations frequently end up as arguing. I feel my… read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
I have been living with my boyfriend years he has had
I have been living with my boyfriend for two years he has had two failed relationships one of 15 years she cheated on him….the other for 9 years she was 14 years younger and an alcoholic …he tells me … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I are both divorced with kids. (I'm 45, one
My boyfriend and I are both divorced with kids. (I'm 45, one kid, he's 47, 2 kids, one special needs). We both had horrific marriages over 20 years king. I've been divorced 4.5 years, him, 3. We both … read more
Martin
Martin
Electrical engineer
Bachelor's Degree
486 satisfied customers
I am looking for advice on my difficult situation.
I am looking for advice on my difficult situation. I'm 37 yrs of age and am very close to my mum. I'm the oldest of three girls, both my sisters have moved out of home. The middle being married and li… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,744 satisfied customers
Hi, I am a 35 year old divorced mother to a beautiful 6 year
Hi, I am a 35 year old divorced mother to a beautiful 6 year old boy. I am now engaged for the past eight months. My fiance and I gave up the flat I was renting sionce before I had my son and he also … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
Why is my boyfriend of 4 years telling me he needs more time
He has also hinted at the idea of marriage- asking me to look at rings in catalogs, asking what kind of wedding/honeymoon I would like, suggestively rubbing my ring finger at dinner. He also states th… read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
Im a 43 year old woman with three adult children over the
I'm a 43 year old woman with three adult children over the ages of 19. In and out of college. I've been divorced for almost two years and have been dating a 47 year old man for about 8 months. Does it… read more
KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
121 satisfied customers
I HAVE BEEN REMARRIED TO MY HUSBAND 5 MONTHS . WE HAVE BEEN
I HAVE BEEN REMARRIED TO MY HUSBAND 5 MONTHS . WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER A TOTAL OF 9 YRS , I AM 51 AND HE IS TURNING 68YR OLD . HE HAS A DISABLED SON THAT IS 39 YSR OLD AND HE HAS A BOND LIKE MOTHER AND … read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
Hello i thinkmy Husband has ocpd we have been together nearly
Hello i thinkmy Husband has ocpd we have been together nearly 4 years. We have a son together who is two and a half we both have two children each from ourprevious relationships. Our relationship was … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I am getting married next year and fear I am making a grave
I am getting married next year and fear I am making a grave mistake. We have been together for 10 years, both of us never married before, so other people have been wondering why I didn't see the warni… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I will try to present you with as clear a picture as possibleDating
I will try to present you with as clear a picture as possible Dating a 69 year old man for 2.5 years - we do not always live in same city but spend about 10 months together of each year . He is rich, … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I am married for 4 months. My husband decided that he wants
I am married for 4 months. My husband decided that he wants to know the truth about my past. I did not want to tell him about my past, we have been together for 12 months before marriage, I am 29 year… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I am dating this guy for almost 10yrs. I am once divoced and
I am dating this guy for almost 10yrs. I am once divoced and no desire to get married, so not getting married is not a problem, but I do want someone who I can build life together. My BF is very gentl… read more
Angela
Angela
Counselor
490 satisfied customers
I share a house with my brother that we both inherited from
I share a house with my brother that we both inherited from our mother 4 yrs ago. My brother has I feel some major issues that I always knew were there but now they are very apparent. At the time of m… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
396 satisfied customers
My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years (will
My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years (will be 3 years on Oct 19th) and have lived together for 2 years now. We have a great realationship and have talked about marriage, kids...the w… read more
Anna
Anna
Clinical Supervisor
Master\u0027s Degree
232 satisfied customers
I am 41 and married my 2nd husband a year and a half ago.
I am 41 and married my 2nd husband a year and a half ago. I was his 2nd wife, we each have a son, 13 and 11. When we married, we both had two homes, mine was a 4 bdroom home and his was a 2 bdroom twn… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
I AM INTERESTED IN GETTING INFO CNCERNING ABANDONMENT BETWEEN
I AM INTERESTED IN GETTING INFO CNCERNING ABANDONMENT BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE AFTER A MARRIAGE OF OVER 30 YEARS IN THE STATE OF WASHINGTON. MY HUSBAND REFUSES TO REUNITE, DWELLING TOGETHER OR CO-HABI… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x