Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I'm writting to you, because I need advice that will tell me…

Customer Question
Hello! I'm writting to you, because...
Hello!
I'm writting to you, because I need advice that will tell me what should I do because I'm a bit lost...
Till last year I was in a relationship with a guy that seemed perfect in every way, but things went horribly wrong and we broke up after a year and a half. I am 21 years old and he was my first boyfriend. Since then I really took time for myself and lived my life. After that I had one fling that lasted for six months but I knew that things with that guy won't get serious because he told me, he's not ready for a commitment. I really changed since I broke up with my ex. I am a lot more reserved in relationships now, i'm constantly scared I'll get hurt, and I get unsure quickly when someone doesn't say the right words or do the right things.
In january I met this other guy on a birthday party. He's one year younger than me, very handsome and a handballplayer. Even though I liked him the minute I saw him, I immediately thought that he's a player. And I didn't do a thing to get closer to him. He started to pursue me and now we are dating for almost two months. He never said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship or mention that he's only looking for fun. We are definitely not just hooking up, because we had sex after two weeks of knowing each other and we have been on several real dates between that time. We usually just talk, grab some icecream or eat lunch. He even came to my place when I had my period and we only watched a movie and cuddle. That time he actually conffessed that he doesn't want to have any other girl but me. And last week when he was drunk he actually told me he loves me and that he would do anything for me. I now I can't take that as 100% real conffession, but I know guys usually guard themselves from saying anything like that and they usually really hold theirselves back in that kind od cases. I can see, that he's really into me. He's very affectionate when we are together, I can really be myself around him, and I can see, that he's really happy around me to. So where's the problem? Well he's REALLY busy. He trains handball, volleyball and some other sports. He also has many friends wich are always calling him for hanging out. He told me, that he had his first girlfriend when he was 17 and they were together for six months but didn't have any serious relationship since then. She never even met his parents. I do think that in a relationship people should have time for themselves I just think that he doesn't know how to act when I am around. He invited me to his home a few times since we started to date and this weekend I finally decided to go. He introduced me to his sister, some of his friends and his teamplayers. And when I went to watch him play, after the match his coach asked him if I am his girlfriend, and he said: "yes, kind of". I was really surprised because I didn't expect that, especially because we didn't have "the talk" yet. And I can see, that those are really big steps for him because he's not used to text anyone, he's not used to hangout with anyone except his mates... But I don't know how to tell him that if we'll be in a relationship he'll have to change some things. And I really don't want to change him or take away his hobbies. I just want to let him know, I want to be more involved in his life and let him know I am not just one of his mates...
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 4 minutes by:
2/28/2016
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Thank you for writing and including so many details in your request. I would encourage you to be open with him. Communication is the only way he will be aware of what your needs are. I suggest that you ask him where the relationship is and share with him what you most want in a relationship. You have to yield to his needs too though. Don't force him to establish boundaries that he is not ready to set; this could lead to resentment. I suggest communicating, but never give ultimatums; that will not give you the outcome you prefer. Also, consider why these behaviors bother you so much. That could be an issue for you to really work on for yourself, especially to make sure that you are not transferring or projecting your feelings onto him, undeservedly.

Hope this is helpful.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
828 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I was seeing a guy and everything was going great and all of
I was seeing a guy and everything was going great and all of a sudden he decided we were too different and should stop seeing each other. I am heartbroken. His father died a little less than two month… read more
therapist325
therapist325
6 satisfied customers
Had a breakup with someone with avoidant attachment style
Had a breakup with someone with avoidant attachment style over things that seems non major. He acknowledged that he blowed things out of proportion and made matters much bigger than it is. However he … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I'm dating a man that is married but separated for over a decade
I'm dating a man that is married but separated for over a decade but doesn't want to divorce for financial reasons… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
I am so distraught right now and scared and confused. I need your help
I am so distraught right now and scared and confused. I need your help. I have been dating a guy for 6 years, he was really afraid of commitment because he would tell his friends he would never get ma… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
My ex and I agreed to be friends with benefits. We were together
My ex and I agreed to be friends with benefits. We were together for 9 months and then we became long distance. Feelings changed and there was too much pressure so he broke it off. We didn't talk for … read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I have been dating over 2 years. We broke
My boyfriend and I have been dating over 2 years. We broke up back in september. I broke up with him because he was dealing with a lot of issues, his family was not paying for college, he had no money… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I have been working with a man for the past 5 years. Over this
I have been working with a man for the past 5 years. Over this time we have become very good friends, there has always been chemistry, we have a ton in common we love all the same things. This has mad… read more
Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown
Marriage Therapist
Doctoral Degree
427 satisfied customers
I had been seeing a guy off and on for about 9 months. I made
I had been seeing a guy off and on for about 9 months. I made it clear in the beginning I was looking for a relationship and not casual sex. After about a month, we slept together and he dropped a bom… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
I have been in a relationship with the same person for the
I have been in a relationship with the same person for the last 5 years. We have had quite a few problems throughout it, but at one point I wanted it to be permanent and told him that I needed to know… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
The guy Ive been dating for the past 5 months broke up with
The guy I've been dating for the past 5 months broke up with me recently. At the beginning of our relationship he came on really strongly and was pretty intense. After only a couple weeks of dating he… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I recently broke up with a guy. We had been dating for about
I recently broke up with a guy. We had been dating for about 8 months, and had sex 3 times. I should mention he is recently divorced. He was married for 18 years (unhappily). His goal is to date. I to… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,744 satisfied customers
I have a friend in which he and I have been friends since high
I have a friend in which he and I have been friends since high school my senior yr his junior year. However, things have changed a lot since then. We went off to college with one another and eventuall… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Hi! Im 30, will be 31 in June & Im still a virgin. The guy
Hi! I'm 30, will be 31 in June & I'm still a virgin. The guy who I met since last year in November through eHarmony & we just started our relationships on Feb 10. He already asked me several times for… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
***please refer to a different expert*** If there is a guy
***please refer to a different expert*** If there is a guy that you have known for 2 months and have dated twice. Would talk every single day and both people are attracted to eachother, communication … read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I just broke up after 5 years together. He
My boyfriend and I just broke up after 5 years together. He told me that we will never be together again. I have stuck by him through thick and thin. I helped him out a lot. Just a month ago, he wante… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
There is this guy who i have been texting for the past month
There is this guy who i have been texting for the past month and kissing when i see him out. He said he liked me a couple of weeks ago then text me on tuesday and said he thinks im amazing and we will… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
I have been dating someone for a few months now. We have a
I have been dating someone for a few months now. We have a long distance relationship, but still see each other every other weekend. While we are apart we speak on video chat pretty much every day. Re… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
What do you do when you dont like your friends boyfriend
My wife and I have a friend who recently broke it off with her husband to be with another man. The relationship lasted a little while, several months, then predictiably ended. During that time, our fr… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x