Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Me and my girlfriend just broke up, she started liking

Customer Question
another guy, but at the...
me and my girlfriend just broke up, she started liking another guy, but at the same time told me she could never lose me and that she would go crazy if she did. At first after a lot of tears mostly from her and a bit of make up sex I was okay with it. But after a few days it really started bothering me and I pretty much called it. The SAME day (night) we ended it, she went right to this guy she likes and they went for a drive and I guess they kissed or made out. I called her and she told me this and of course I started getting beggy and saying stuff like I needed her back etc. . She told me she couldn't do it and that it was done. A few days go by and of course I make the biggest mistake of getting out of relationship and Continue to tell her how much I miss her and how I'm all sad and stuff. She pretty much ignores this and tells me I'm sorry but I'm moving on and I really like this new guy. So I stop texting her for like 4 days and finally she snapchats me a picture of her dog. (The dog she knows I'm obsessed with) and also a picture of her with the dog . I knew that her new little boyfriend was going away to Cuba for a week because she told me this. So I thought that she was just talking to me because he was gone and she was lonely. I'm almost 100% sure that's why. Anyways we keep talking and she tells me how much she misses me and how hard this is on her etc.. I tell her I miss her a lot to and that I realized I could have been a better boyfriend the past few months (because I could have) and that I wish we could just start over. I tell her that I had a girl over and she starts to get a little jealous and we start fishing a little and then the talking stops. My mom went to toronto on the weekend and I asked her to come over so we could have one final night together. She says no she doesn't see the point in it and I pretty much give up after that. Then all of a sudden on Saturday night @ 2:30 in the morning she calls me asking to pick her up. I was actually just getting home and of course it being someone I still cars about so much I go and pick her up. She was with a friend as well and I dropped her friend off first and then she starts crying and we make out for awhile. She said she was super drunk although after being with her for over a year she didn't seem to be that drunk to me. Maybe a little but not blackout or anything. So we make out for awhile and then we get food and she comes to mine. We have sex and then just lay together for a couple hours making out and just holding each other. She was crying a lot though out this and she kept telling me she was sorry and that she knows that we will be together in the end. Maybe not now or even in a few months but In the end. Whatever that means. So I tell her I miss her sooooo much and that I still love her a lot. She tells me the same thing but we never really talk about getting back together for the time being. It's only been 2 weeks and yes the guy she likes / is falling in love with is still gone and is back in like 2 days. I noticed she still had the bracelet and necklace that I bought her and was still wearing it. Anyways I drive her home and we make out again and that was that. We text quite a bit the next day but nothing lovey more just friendly conversation. The night before she said she couldn't lose me for good and that we could still be really good friends. I somewhat agreed even though I knew that wouldn't work if she was going out with another guy. So now it's Monday (yesterday) and I ask her if she wants to do some homework together. She says yes and I go over. Things were pretty normal, slightly awkward considering the situation were in but overall fairly normal. We talked, had a few laughs but I picked up her phone and noticed that her background picture was a picture of this new guy. After that I started feeling pretty shitty and she noticed to and even called me out on it. This whole time as well I noticed she couldn't really make eye contact with me and just didn't want to look at me much. She asked me "are you all quiet cuz you saw my background on my phone" I kind of shrugged it off and didn't really answer her. As well when I was hers I kind of touched her a little like just rubbing her arm/back and she didn't seem to care. Anyways I drop her off at the bus stop and she asks for a kiss on the cheek. I say no (because I'm upset at the fact her new background is a picture of this guy) who by the way is 4 years older then her. She's 18 and he's 22. Then after that we haven't talked since. Her new boyfriend or whatever he is, is back and now we're not talking again. I honestly have no idea what to think of this. I still love her to death and want to be with her , but even though I was not the best boyfriend the past 2-3 months she still technically cheated on me and I know deep down I shouldn't get back with her. But I want to soooo bad, and I can't really tell if she does or if she's trying to move on herself. What should I do here
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 14 minutes by:
2/24/2016
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 821
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Wow, I appreciate all of the detail you put in asking your question. I think that you were really thorough and that helps to understand the issue. So, you have a history with this woman and it sounds like you care deeply about her. I think that the relationship that you have had has been complicated, but I commend your ability to take ownership of your own role. That says a lot about the kind of person that you are. I think any loss goes through a grief cycle. It is very difficult for one to go from one relationship, directly into another. I think that she may be processing from a rebound perspective, but that really isn't something that you can control. You recognize that all you can do is control your reactions to the situation. A suggestion that i have would be that you continue to focus on how you can continue to be that better man or boyfriend to someone (her or someone else) and that you foster those areas of growth. You will have to remain strong in your own boundaries so as not to allow yourself to engage in a relationship, where you could potentially be someone's second choice. That is not intended to sound harsh, but in essence, you don't want to be "that guy" waiting around for her to let you know that she still loves you. You have insight and awareness and I would encourage you to find your interests, focus on your long-term goals, try new activities (possibly even meeting new people along the way) and working on your own journey of self-actualization. Releasing a relationship is not an easy thing to do, but if you look at everything that feels like a conflict as an opportunity, you will see that you have much more to gain in the long run. You sound like a compassionate and caring person. Show yourself some of that love and be intentional in your efforts to focus on you. And actions speak more loudly than words (or so they say), so I suggest rather than telling someone how much you have changed and how willing you are to do things differently, you just get in the groove of doing it for yourself. Get active-- for you!

Hope that is helpful.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago

I hope you found that to be helpful. Please take the time to review the response and accept the answer and if you feel led leave a positive rating. I am available for more help if necessary. Thank you, Julie!

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 821
821 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I've been going to counseling for so and it has helped I
Hi I've been going to counseling for so long and it has helped I have had good times and extremely bad times. Thoughts of suicide have decreased but are still there...I've hid it well but inside I am … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
15 satisfied customers
Three different dreams about kissing my manager what does it
Three different dreams about kissing my manager what does it mean … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
447 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship for 5 years.I was never the jealous
I was in a relationship for 5 years.I was never the jealous type.When I met this guy he kept asking me out and I stood him up 3 times because I was scared and didn't know he had made reservations,I di… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
Mrs this is tiffany im sorry im just now getting back to you
Hi mrs jackie this is tiffany im sorry im just now getting back to you and ive never asked you this question as you thought i have before i know i need to stop thinking about her but do you think when… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
My ldr boyfriend and I love each other very much, we have
My ldr boyfriend and I love each other very much, we have spoken about getting married on multiple occasions, but lately he has been getting upset with me about everything he can find. … read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,720 satisfied customers
Yesterday I had a falling out with my brother. Him and I
Yesterday I had a falling out with my brother. Him and I have not gotten a long for YEARS. He typically holds things in until he explodes. And I am very defensive. But in the last couple of years, he … read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Counselor
821 satisfied customers
I have had social anxiety for as as I can remember. I
I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I finally gathered the courage to ask a woman out for lunhc lunch* … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
My question involved relationship. Seems simplest conflict
Hello my question involved relationship. Seems simplest conflict escalates to nuclear warfare… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
I want to let you know that my first date with the guy in
Jen, I want to let you know that my first date with the guy in Pennsylvania went really well. We really connected nicely and had lots of chemistry even though it was a first meeting. We kissed, held h… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
How can we (= couple 65 years old living together for 2
How can we (= couple 65 years old living together for 2 years) avoid escalation to atomic warfare over minimal disagreements. We are financially comfortable. An example of argument is whether to give … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Im a 33 yr old guy... My gf moved to DC with me just over a
Hi... Im a 33 yr old guy... My gf moved to DC with me just over a year ago and we've had the best of times. We're nearly three years in and she's been dropping hints about marriage. She's shown me the… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
15 satisfied customers
I was hoping you could answer a question about an online
Second opinion] I was hoping you could answer a question about an online relationship. … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
15 satisfied customers
I have been meditating with this human being for over a year
I have been meditating with this human being for over a year and we stopped connecting to each other for 8,months. I was the one that ended it. But hes back now. And everything is popping up on media … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
15 satisfied customers
I was hoping you could answer a question about an online
I was hoping you could answer a question about an online relationship. … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
447 satisfied customers
Dr., I would like to ask you a relationship question? Let me
Dr. Jackie, I would like to ask you a relationship question? Let me know if you receive my question. Thanks, Patrick… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
It bugged me so much that I had to tell him about if roles
Jen, It bugged me so much that I had to tell him about if roles were reversed, I would have paid and wait for a refund if unhappy. He said he would give me the money right away and that he was sorry. … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I confronted him and he said you have 30 days to return the
Hi Jen, I confronted him and he said you have 30 days to return the item so I thought they didn't take from your account until thirty days ? Really ? He thinks this at age 60 ? When I paid for it whil… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I caught my boyfriend sexting and don't know what to do.
I caught my boyfriend sexting and don't know what to do … read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
447 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x