Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

My gf and I mutually agreed to no longer be a couple, (after…

Customer Question
My gf and I...

My gf and I mutually agreed to no longer be a couple, (after 2 yrs) however, we live together. I have depression issues...which drove her away. I want to get back with her, but she says we are done. It's been about 3 weeks. I recently started therapy and will seeek meds for depression. How can I show/let her know that I CAN change and connect with her 100% and fulfill all her needs? ***** *****

Expert's Assistant: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?

She said we are done...basically fed up with my stubborn attitude. I love her to death, but failed to show her. I need to convunce her that I am making 100% effort to change and learn how to love and totally commit to our relationship.

Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 2 hours by:
2/21/2016
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I am glad you are getting into therapy and exploring all ways to feel better. I don't think it is a matter of convincing her of anything...I think focusing on yourself and feeling better is the only way to go right now and in doing so, she will see on her own that you are doing well and in that time, it is possible for reconnection to happen. I think if oyu push her or get her to try to see things, it won't work. Let it be natural and as you feel better you will have more zest and can be the many YOU want to be. Let things settle and play out, work on yourself and slowly a renewed connection can take place.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

I agree with TherapistJen. It sounds to me that you should definitely let the dust settle, focus on adjusting more, foci on developing your own insight, and also learning more about relationships and communication. Actions speak more loudly than words. The last thing you want to do is push this woman further away and create a message in yourself that continues to contribute to depression. Work on thought patterns and increase your confidence. Also keep in check the possibility of co-dependence. Make sure you're doing this for you and not just to impress anyone else. Sounds like you are a caring and empathetic person, but don't base your own worth on simply an opinion of someone else.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you both. My other issue is she is dating someone else and it kills me cuz we live together and to see/know this hurts. I'm hoping it is a rebound situation and won't last. But I make no comments and do not ask any questions, just hurts. I maintain my composure. And to twist the knife, most weekend nights she doesn't come home.
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago

How are you spending your time while she is out? Focusing on what she is doing? Are you engaging in healthy outlets?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago

And have you thought about boundaries where you guys can have your own places?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago

This break up is hard for you and that is completely normal....made more difficult by the fact that you live together so each time you see her or know she is out with another, the wound remains fresh. What are the plans to remain in this living situation? I know you desire to keep things as they are in the hope that she changes her mind, but that doesn't help you to focus on your treatment and getting back to living a peaceful and content life. I can see how all of this compounds your sadness, but as I mentioned in my first response to you that your health and well being are what is crucial right now. I know part of you believes that if she was with you that all would be well, but we know from what you have been dealing with, that hasn't been true. As best you can keep the focus on your health and well being and find some things that you enjoy doing...maybe even look at some new things, things you have never tried before...this also puts you in a position to be around new people and see fresh faces who might share similar passions.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago

Let me know how else I can support you.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
We have set boundaries. No one comes to the house. We do get along and are very civil to each other. I don't ask her any questions and give her all the space she needs.
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
3,928 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

TherapistJen is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My girlfriend's parents divorced when she was very, either
My girlfriend's parents divorced when she was very young, either 15 or 16. Her father, who loved her very much, died when she was 22. His depression over his divorce did not allow him to be there for … read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
Am a 28 years old female..my girlfriend is 25 my girlfriend
am a 28 years old female..my girlfriend is 25 my girlfriend has some kind of depression i think due to losing a sister..a year ago after the death of her sister she cheated on me with a girl..the affa… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
I need help with my GF. I have know her 22 years and been with
I need help with my GF. I have know her 22 years and been with her for 2. She has been divorced and widowed and we keep going through these ups and downs. Mostly her attitude and assumptions. Trust an… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
Yeah, bet you would get tired of all the things I have going
Yeah, bet you would get tired of all the things I have going on that amount to nothing. Divorced since 1991, celibate for over 22 years but not because I choose to be, have Philippine GF but we haven'… read more
Expert
Expert
long story short. 7 months ago my marriage was great. we never
long story short. 7 months ago my marriage was great. we never fight we were best friends. my wife was away for work for three months. during that time she stopped taking her anxiety meds and at that … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
My girlfriend came to my apt building to visit friends but
My girlfriend came to my apt building to visit friends but said she didn't want to see me. should i be mad? We had an argument a few days before this but had been very nice to each other up until this… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
442 satisfied customers
ive been married for 20 yrs, 10 yrs ago her best friend had
ive been married for 20 yrs, 10 yrs ago her best friend had an affair, I was building my own house at that time, my attn. was elsewhere. When I finally got wind of the situation, I got phone records t… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
442 satisfied customers
My wife can get angry easily, she also assumes what i say in
My wife can get angry easily, she also assumes what i say in a bad way she acts like we are a couple just when we are at home together( no we dont live at the same country) she hates if I asked her an… read more
Bonnie
Bonnie
Doctoral Degree
200 satisfied customers
My girlfriend had a dream last light about a random guy flirting
My girlfriend had a dream last light about a random guy flirting with her. In her dream she had the feeling of the desire to cheat on me. Nothing happened though. When we talked about it she told me t… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
442 satisfied customers
My 40 yr old wife of eleven yrs kicked me out for no apparent
My 40 yr old wife of eleven yrs kicked me out for no apparent reason. She says she needs time and space. She's not even herself anymore. she has pushed away all her friends and family and just wants t… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Hi, Ive been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years.
Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years. I am the first woman she's ever been with. I'm grateful we're still together, but our road was always rocky. In the beginning when things … read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Last night me and my gf got into a fight because I didnt feel
Last night me and my gf got into a fight because I didn't feel like she was valuing me. We went to dinner and had a good time there. Then I asked her what she felt like doing and she wanted to go to a… read more
Dr. L
Dr. L
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
366 satisfied customers
i am a 52 year old mle divorced... we have a 21and 23 year
i am a 52 year old mle divorced... we have a 21and 23 year old girls.. my ex wife who recntly divorced from the guy she left me for... abused her..i helped her thru the two year divorce help financed … read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Hello! Im a 30 year old guy who has been dating a 24 year
Hello! I'm a 30 year old guy who has been dating a 24 year old girl for the past 3.5 months. We met in the office during her first few weeks at a new job and really hit it off. After a few weeks of ta… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
442 satisfied customers
My wife of 16 yrs and I have been struggling for a while she
My wife of 16 yrs and I have been struggling for a while she recently(1yr) had and ended an emotional affair with a man who was a friend of ours at the time. Over the past couple of months since she e… read more
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Post-Doctoral Degree
220 satisfied customers
Hello-My girlfriend and I have been on a rough patch for a
Hello-My girlfriend and I have been on a rough patch for a bout 6 weeks, we have some baggage between us. We both go to counseling, seperate to work on our own issues, and I have some things that have… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
Hey Cher my girlfriend of 2 years and i have recently broke
Hey Cher my girlfriend of 2 years and i have recently broke up and im not sure if i should try to restart things or move on. She cheated on me and lied compulsivly about her past/life when we first st… read more
Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson
Senior HR Consultant and Business Devlpm
Bachelor's Degree
6,994 satisfied customers
What do I do if I have a 2 year old at home who I adore but ...
What do I do if I have a 2 year old at home who I adore but I just realized I do not love my wife anymore?… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x