Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

My gf and I mutually agreed to no longer be a couple, (after…

Customer Question
My gf and I...

My gf and I mutually agreed to no longer be a couple, (after 2 yrs) however, we live together. I have depression issues...which drove her away. I want to get back with her, but she says we are done. It's been about 3 weeks. I recently started therapy and will seeek meds for depression. How can I show/let her know that I CAN change and connect with her 100% and fulfill all her needs? ***** *****

Expert's Assistant: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?

She said we are done...basically fed up with my stubborn attitude. I love her to death, but failed to show her. I need to convunce her that I am making 100% effort to change and learn how to love and totally commit to our relationship.

Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 2 hours by:
2/21/2016
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,806
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I am glad you are getting into therapy and exploring all ways to feel better. I don't think it is a matter of convincing her of anything...I think focusing on yourself and feeling better is the only way to go right now and in doing so, she will see on her own that you are doing well and in that time, it is possible for reconnection to happen. I think if oyu push her or get her to try to see things, it won't work. Let it be natural and as you feel better you will have more zest and can be the many YOU want to be. Let things settle and play out, work on yourself and slowly a renewed connection can take place.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 821
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

I agree with TherapistJen. It sounds to me that you should definitely let the dust settle, focus on adjusting more, foci on developing your own insight, and also learning more about relationships and communication. Actions speak more loudly than words. The last thing you want to do is push this woman further away and create a message in yourself that continues to contribute to depression. Work on thought patterns and increase your confidence. Also keep in check the possibility of co-dependence. Make sure you're doing this for you and not just to impress anyone else. Sounds like you are a caring and empathetic person, but don't base your own worth on simply an opinion of someone else.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
Thank you both. My other issue is she is dating someone else and it kills me cuz we live together and to see/know this hurts. I'm hoping it is a rebound situation and won't last. But I make no comments and do not ask any questions, just hurts. I maintain my composure. And to twist the knife, most weekend nights she doesn't come home.
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago

How are you spending your time while she is out? Focusing on what she is doing? Are you engaging in healthy outlets?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 2 years ago

And have you thought about boundaries where you guys can have your own places?

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago

This break up is hard for you and that is completely normal....made more difficult by the fact that you live together so each time you see her or know she is out with another, the wound remains fresh. What are the plans to remain in this living situation? I know you desire to keep things as they are in the hope that she changes her mind, but that doesn't help you to focus on your treatment and getting back to living a peaceful and content life. I can see how all of this compounds your sadness, but as I mentioned in my first response to you that your health and well being are what is crucial right now. I know part of you believes that if she was with you that all would be well, but we know from what you have been dealing with, that hasn't been true. As best you can keep the focus on your health and well being and find some things that you enjoy doing...maybe even look at some new things, things you have never tried before...this also puts you in a position to be around new people and see fresh faces who might share similar passions.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago

Let me know how else I can support you.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 2 years ago
We have set boundaries. No one comes to the house. We do get along and are very civil to each other. I don't ask her any questions and give her all the space she needs.
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 2 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,806
3,806 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

TherapistJen is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I am challenged with my husbands parenting style. He works
I am challenged with my husbands parenting style. He works away for two weeks every month When it's just the three of us, my son is 11 and in therapy for low self esteem and my daughter is 9. When hub… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Did you receive my request contact with Jean and I via phone
Hello Did you receive my request for follow up contact with Jean and I via phone or text? Patrick… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I met last Nov. We both work hours and he
My boyfriend and I met last Nov. We both work long hours and he is a single father of two.He works 7-days until the project ends - from 10 to 8 pm (M/T), from 3 pm to 1am (WtoS). He has kids every mor… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I'm a 28 year old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating
I'm a 28 year old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year. I'm worried my sexual performance is affecting our relationship. Its an embarrassing question so I'd prefer to get an answer fr… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
448 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I are having problems and wanted to know is
my boyfriend and I are having problems and wanted to know is there a such thing as a break. No we have not talked thru our problem … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I have someone in my life that is kind of a FWB but also a
Second opinion] i have someone in my life that is kind of a FWB but also a good friend. We have been seeing each other for 6 years now but we dont live in the same country. We talk (call or chat) almo… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Me and this girl started talking when she had a boyfriend. I
Me and this girl started talking when she had a boyfriend … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Am I giving you my detailed problem I'm dealing with? Or
Am I giving you my detailed problem I'm dealing with? Or just what its about? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
17 satisfied customers
I want you to know my experience with my second date with in
Hi Jen , I want you to know my experience with my second date with John in Pa.. It was a long ride and he offered me to move in , seriously. He wanted me to stay the night which I didn't do, and drove… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,806 satisfied customers
A coworker of mine is married to a complete jerk. I'm not
A coworker of mine is married to a complete jerk. I'm not sure why she's still with him but she is. The other day, she told me that she got to know another man from a previous job and they still keep … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks we've never texted
I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks we've never texted a lot but usually message at least once a day and see each other a few times a week. Now I haven't heard from him in 3 days, I didn't try to… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,806 satisfied customers
I have a question me and my girlfriend going thru a
Hello I have a question me and my girlfriend going thru a breakdown right now because she think I'm cheating cause I didn't want to give her my phone ever since that day I applied for my action but to… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
My boyfriend who I've known for 20 yrs and I decided to try
My boyfriend who I've known for 20 yrs and I decided to try again with a romantic relationship again while he was incarcerated recently, he was in jail for 7 months, it was awesome, he was a dream, co… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Thanks for your support. I am grieving for. He is the
Hi Jen, Thanks for your support. I am grieving for Gary. He is the highschool sweetheart who has briefly broken up with the home coming queen (Yes from our school) to reconnect with me and we were mom… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,806 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I hope you don't mind as I really need to
Hi Jen, Hope all is well . I hope you don't mind as I really need to process a couple of things that have happened most recently. I have put distance between me and the long term relationship guy , me… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,806 satisfied customers
I have been in a relationship for yr & a half..I'm 36, in
Please help! I have been in a relationship for yr & a half..I'm 36, in nursing school..boyfriend is 33 and an electrician assistant that constantly says he dsnt like his job/can't afford much except t… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
17 satisfied customers
Hrown Children vs. New Child Ok so here goes. I have 4
Hrown Children vs. New Child Ok so here goes. I have 4 'children'...three grown with kids of their own & one that is 8, younger than two of their oldest kids; which my 8 year old has always been reall… read more
Carlett F
Carlett F
Therapist
Master\u0027s Degree
55 satisfied customers
Strangers will call me pretty, nice, normal, say I have
Strangers will call me pretty, nice, normal, say I have rich parents but they never call me smart. They say they don't know whether I'm smart or not. Well how do they know I'm nice, normal or have ric… read more
Kelisa Volson
Kelisa Volson
MA
1 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x