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VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16284
Experience:  Nurse Practitioner
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In every relationship I've been in with men, I have been

Customer Question

In every relationship I've been in with men, I have been taken advantage of. My first husband, who is currently now serving a 10 year prison sentence, used me financially for 14 years. He was a functioning illiterate with a drug problem. When we divorced, he got MY home, and spousal support. We had two sons together, whom are now in their late 20's, that I raised on my own. Fast forward to today. I have been with a man for 14 years, who promised to marry me, then changed his mind. He changed his mind after we had two daughters together, which leads me to believe he wanted children and not me. While this man is educated, he makes only 28K per year to my 85K. It is like pulling teeth to get this guy to pay a bill. Our one daughter is autistic, and has been truant from school. Whenever there are issues with girls, I deal with them. I take them to their counseling, doctor's appointments and all their extra-curricular activities. When we were at the school yesterday, they commented they thought I was a single parent, as they never saw the girls' father. Whenever I mention to him about his lack of bill paying, his comment is "you make more than me". Meanwhile, he banks his entire paycheck. His selfishness doesn't stop there. I went to have my car inspected, and it needs $1,800 worth of work to pass. Naturally, because I pay all the bills in the home, I don't have the money saved. His comment was "don't you know by now stupid you have to budget for emergencies". I was so upset at work, a coworker offered to loan me the money, providing I dump this guy. When he found out a coworker was paying for it, he said "you need to do a better job of telling me when you need money". Excuse me! You have children! Doesn't it occur to him he SHOULD be providing for at least half of necessities? This guy is a mama's boy. He lived at home until age 36, never paying any room and board. Whenever I speak to him about the household chores, his comment is "I'm no damn woman. Your main job is to cook, clean and take care of the kids". My mother did it and didn't bitch why can't you? First off, his mother didn't have a full time job and her husband paid all the bills. I can't live this way anymore. I am ready to just leave him and my daughters who have no respect for me either because they see him just laying around doing nothing. The issue is going to be me leaving the home (he owns most of your home because his Mom gave him money for the down payment), and me paying child support. My lawyer told me to try and reason with him and see if he'll change. Why should he? He's holding all the cards. What do you think I should do?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  VA-NP replied 1 year ago.


What a predicament! Still, I think that the emotional upheaval all of this is causing you would make it worth a move. Even with your having to pay child support, and rent on a small apartment for yourself, you should be able to live on $85K per year. I think your husband will quickly have his eyes opened once he tries working, taking care of two daughters, cooking, laundry, and cleaning house.

Best regards,