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Ask Tarra Bates-Duford Your Own Question
Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 30
Experience:  CEO at Family Mattters Counseling Group LLC
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I'm in a relationship at the moment I had a fling with

Customer Question

I'm in a relationship at the moment I had a fling with my ex and we was planning a future with him he was a childhood sweetheart..... I did fall in love with him all over again and I was ready to give it ago with my ex but he rang my partner and told him I'd had an affair for months and it was not the trust he kept forcing me to choose .... after the phone call my partner left me customers he believesaid his lies ... I just stayed on my own and had no contact with my ex or my partner for two weeks. ... I did not choose any one my partner moved home two weeks later my ex moved a new girl in and her kids never told me .... but I'm struggling to make a go of it with my partner and I miss my ex and I've found these few months difficult since all this happened I eat all the time I barely go out now have no interest in anything I even call in work sick I'm confused of how to get out this situation
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 1 year ago.

I am concerned about your message as you appear very conflicted. You appear uncertain as to which man you want to a relationship with, however I am not sure you want to pursue a relationship with either man. You indicated you did not choose either man, however your partner left the home and your ex moved another woman and her children into his home. Is it possible you have difficulty being alone, without a partner? Some people define themselves by their relationships, i.e., being part of a couple. As an adult we can be alone (without a partner), not lonely and be in a relationship and feel consumed with loneliness. The difference is if we are not fully satisfied and comfortable with ourselves then the likelihood of being satisfied and comfortable with someone else is not possible. I encourage you to explore what makes you happy, what is fulfilling to you before attempting to engage in another relationship. After all, out of all the parties in this triangle, shouldn't you be the one worth fighting for? Don't you deserve to be happy? Happiness comes from first being happy with yourself. I would also encourage you to seek individual counseling to manage what I perceive to be depressive symptoms and low self-esteem.