How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Tarra Bates-Duford Your Own Question
Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 30
Experience:  CEO at Family Mattters Counseling Group LLC
91709582
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Tarra Bates-Duford is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I need to know how or if there's any hope. I have been in a

Customer Question

I need to know how or if there's any hope for me. I have been in a couple physical, verbal and mentally abusive relationships. I've been seeing someone that I went to prom with 32 years ago. He treats me like a queen. Has to come up to the door whenever he picks me up. He has to open the truck door for me every time we go anywhere. Shows me a lot of affection even when we're just sitting and watching tv. There's only one thing that bothers me and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to get over it. I know it's normal for him to look at other women. I just feel like he does it to the extreme. I don't even think my past relationships when I was being abused even looked that much. Or maybe they did and I didn't notice because there was always drama going on. Like I said I know it's normal to look,but 3 and 4 times at the same woman. Also it seems like he goes out of his way to get a better view sometimes. This bothers me and I hope I can overcome this, because he is great in every other way. Please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 1 year ago.

I certainly understand your concern about your boyfriend looking at women in a manner you feel is extreme. I agree it is a natural response to look at another person, however there are limits to what is appropriate and what is not. When a partner stares at another person multiple times or in a manner that appears to be interest it can affect the other partners self-esteem. In your case because of your past relationship history of abuse this can have a profound impact. My question to you before I can fully answer your question pertains to have you ever discussed this staring of other women with him? Has he ever explained his behavior to you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't know if u can even call it staring. It might be more like a quick look but like 3 or 4 times at different times. I wouldn't call it staring. I've read online too that a lot of times they don't even realize they're doing it. I have talked to him before. Sometimes he has denied doing it, I almost believe it when I've read they don't realize it, because he has always walked his talk. In the few years we've dated, he has never given me any reason to doubt him or not to trust him
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 1 year ago.

If he does not realize he is making multiple glances at another woman, then you are right that perhaps he is authentic and truly unaware he is doing it. If aside from the glances, he is a good guy, and never gave you a reason to distrust him, is it possible because of your relationship past the glances may affect you differently had you not experienced abusive relationships. I would suggest self-talk/self-soothing options, i.e., when you see your partner making glances at another woman ask yourself does this mean anything, remind yourself another than the glances, he treats you well, and that he has given you no reason to doubt and distrust him. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves every now and again when negative thoughts emerge that there are no basis for these thoughts, he or she has given me no reason to doubt their feeling about me or the relationship. When we remind ourselves of this it lessens the future impact and or significance of the glances in the future, rendering them powerless on our thoughts and unable to affect our future.