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Hi James. Thanks for being so open about it all. I am sorry you are going through this pain right now and am glad you have gotten into therapy. Because you have been cheated on, it it understandable why you would have the anxious feelings that you do. Sadly they played out here in your connection with your current girlfriend. I don't hear her pulling away so much because of you snooping around about her past, but maybe she feels a bit crowded with you having a tough time with her male friends and her active life. She may feel that it is not how she desires to be in a relationship. Again, your feelings are understandable but the styles between the two of you may be different. The sexual intimacy may have slowed because her interest has changed. I know it is hard to accept that as you want and desire more with her. I would pull back a bit and let her miss you a bit. It is possible that if she feels she has some breathing room, she might be able to reconnect in the way you desire.
And you have done a great job around that, but I am not so sure that is the only cause for her pulling back..she may have not developed the same feelings for you that you have for her, even if things felts great at the start, it could have changed for her. That is why I believe that pulling back would give her that time to see if she misses you and desires for more.
Let me know your thoughts.