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John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 659
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Two and a half years ago, I was sexually assaulted. I didn't

Customer Question

Two and a half years ago, I was sexually assaulted. I didn't report it, however, I went to the dr, and later I told my mother. Only this past month did I finally tell my best friend, and apart from that, I've never told anybody. Fast forward to today, a man that I knew as a teenager found me on facebook a few weeks ago and asked if we could meet. I haven't met with anybody since the assault, but I thought maybe I could go through with it, so I said yes. However, as the day (yesterday) drew nearer, I found myself moody and on edge with him when he would contact me. I got angry with him when he tried to discuss a romantic evening and told him I was not a booty call. I stopped answering his messages because I found that I trusted nothing he had to say. Still, I planned to go through with the date, only he ended up getting called into work. He asked if I wanted to go to the bar for a drink after work and I told him no, that I don't drink with men. Then he asked if we could meet today, and I said yes. Unfortunately, I didn't hear from him when lunch time rolled around like I was supposed to, and then he finally messaged me to tell me his pipes froze (winter in Michigan) and that his boiler wasn't working. So I told him to never call me again and that he should have told me sooner. He apologized and apologized, but I stuck to my guns and told him not to contact me again. Now I feel bad and I don't know what to do. I think I made him feel lousy, and that wasn't my intention. I like him.....a lot. I just don't feel like I can be a girlfriend. Should I explain it to him? Or should I just let it be?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 1 year ago.

It sounds to me that you do like this fellow much and he does you in return. It also sounds though as if you are hurting very deeply over this past issue and you you are no doubt not ready to date. You need to work through this pain before pursuing a relationship. I suggest you do apologize and let him know that you have some things to work through, that you would like to remain in contact at least on FB, and that maybe things could work out in the future. In the mean time, YOU NEED TO GET HELP. This is not going away by itself. Find a therapist and work through this. I hope that helps you. I really want to be a help.