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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3395
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My fiance keeps making excuses not to have sex with me. We

Customer Question

My fiance keeps making excuses not to have sex with me. We have been long distance relationship for about three months. She has told me that I didn't need to come see her a few times. One Saturday I only heard from her twice once at 9am and once at 8pm...She had said she just went to her sisters...two weeks later I asked her if she had gone to her sisters that weekend and she said she didn't know then said I guess so. Other times she would her phone died at Night. One day I went up and the sheets were off the bed and as soon as she got home she washed therm. Last week I went up early and she acted very nervous then went into the bedroom and got her clothes and washed them. She is the type of person that usually will leave dirty clothes on the floor for a week. We haven't had sex since August and when we did she said she felt dirty after... every time I try she says she isn't feeling it has changed to she isn't comfortable with her body. She keeps saying the sex will come back but it hasn't....I know this as a huge red flag. We have rented a place together and I'm supposed to start a new job Monday. I have a pit in my stomach that something is wrong and I can't get rid of it. She is always on her phone and always positions it so I can't see it. I feel like I'm going crazy...I told her the no sex makes me feel like there's someone else...she said like who??? Yesterday I went into the bedroom when she was about to take her robe off and she jumped...I asked her what was going on and she says she's not happy with her body. She also said she wouldn't get me to move if there was someone else. I feel like I'm going crazy and imagining things. She has also put our wedding off four two years now...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I agree with you that something isn't right. Engagement time is a happy time and a time when most couples can't get enough of one another. 4 months without any intimacy is a red flag and wondering why now she isn't feeling comfortable around you and her body. Do I know for sure she is seeing someone else? I do not, but her behavior seems a bit secretive. I would suggest that in a quiet moment you let her know how you love and care for her and only want the best for both of you and if things have changed that you an handle it as long as you are both being open and communicative with one another. You gut is telling you something is off, so keep checking in with her and engaging in this larger discussion.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Let me know some thoughts.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Now she says, she doesn't think she is the one because I asked her if there was someone else and I'm basically calling her a cheater. She was in but now she's not. She was trying but now she's not. I called b.s.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think your thoughts are right. Something is not right. I can feel it!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

It sounds to me Todd, that she is trying to leave the relationship and does not know how to come and speak with you directly.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I would go to her without accusations but rather a where are we and what do we want conversation. It doesn't seem like you can both move forward together until a deeper conversation takes place.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

What do you want to do now about it all?

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Todd, Please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may receive credit for my time. Thanks so much.