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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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My inlaws treat me like garbage, can careless about me,

Customer Question

My inlaws treat me like garbage, can careless about me, don't like me and they treat my husband like a baby. It really upsets me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that your inlaws treat you and your husband in this manner, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. May I ask, what is your specific question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well they treat my husband like gold and me like garbage
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I thought you were saying that they treat your husband like a "baby" in a negative way. So what is your question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation? Are you asking why or how to get them to treat you better?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No they care for him so much like no other- to me it would bother me if my parents did that but that's what he's know all his life. His mom is not a nice person she can't stand anyone but her son and her husband is a doormat and obeys his wife. His mom cares for him so much and worries about him butj me she can careless
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She makes me feel so bad about myself. I don't know how to deal with it. It really upsets me. She doesn't care about me at all if I am in danger but him they do. I don't like how they don't care about me and my well benign. I feel it's all about my husband
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't know how to deal with this. How can I? She's so rude to me and hates me.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
All my life people have treated me bad and not cared about me and it hurts. In this case I don't think it's just me I think and know she doesn't like anyone in the world but her son
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It makes me sick. None of my friends or family like her either. She's not a nice person. Very rude and nosey and controlling
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
But my husband is a momma boy and thinks the world of her. It hurts because she treats me so badly. I bet if something happened to me she wouldn't even care. How do I not let this get to me?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry that your in-laws treat you and your husband in such a different and unfair manner. The honest truth about it is that you cannot change how your in-laws behave as that is their choice. You only have control of your own actions and behaviors, just like they are the ones that control their actions, so when they treat you poorly, they make the conscious decision to do so. So that means they are the only ones that can choose to stop treating you poorly. You should not be expected to deal with this as you are a human being and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You need to demand to your husband that your in-laws treat you properly and if they will not than they should not come around your home anymore because you do not need that grief and emotional pain that they provide. If your husband will not stand up to them than that shows he values them more than you and at this point you need to seriously consider separating from your husband because this behavior is only going to get worse as time progresses.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He tries but he says they love me but they sure don't act it. It's so annoying because his mom expects him to call numerous times a day. She's always up on him. It's a shame because I love my husband.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am very sorry to hear that, but like I said you cannot stop their behavior and if your husband will not be more adamant to put a stop to it than there is not much else you can do. You deserve to be treated with respect like anyone else and if you are not getting that here than either couples therapy is warranted or a separation may be the key as you cannot continue with this status quo

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
its a shame because he can't control her behavior. She is just a rude judgemental person. Everytime I talk to him, he says they love me
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
But he is oblivious to human behavior and I pick up on stuff easily. He just wants to think everyone loves each other- the end. It just hurts the way they treat me.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

As I stated before, there is not much else you can do besides try to go to couples therapy where a third party can try to reach your husband on how this behavior hurts you or you can try for a separation to break away from the poor behavior.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
well, she is the way she is and she isn't going to change. i have to accept that. She thinks she is more important than me, that's the way she is and always will be. I have to accept it. I with him, not her, I should just take her with a grain of salt, I guess.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

If you think you can do that, than go for it, but in most cases her behavior will eventually grind you down and then the emotional pain will hurt more in the future.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Is her behavior normal? Do most mother inlaws act this way?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

No her behavior is not normal at all. Most people have a good relationship with their in laws.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do most mother inlaws baby their son and protect him like no other and need to hear from him numerous times a day and act more caring towards their son than their wife?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

No that is not normal

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok thank you. So it's her, not me?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Yes it is definitely her from what you described.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok, thank you. Also, why would her husband give into her so much? He lets her run the show, even though I know as a person he would not agree with the way she acts. They aren't even close but he just agrees with her. She is always comaining about her husband too when he does everything for her and she doesn't lay a finger on anything.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

It is possible he just finds it easier to agree with her than to resist her. Over time of poor behavior by her, he may have just given up and just "goes with the flow."

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think so! He looks burnt out. She's very conceited and narcissistic. She's so mean she makes fun of a friend of mine and calls her ugly. I cannot stand it. Even though the friend isn't nice, but she said that even before she knew about her. She is so judgemental and rude. I can't stand her. I am sorry. It's definitely her I am realizing
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

It is her and getting distance from that behavior will be in your best interest

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think I should seek professional help. What do you think?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I recommend couples therapy for you and your husband.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok thank you. Some days she's nice to me other days rude to me. So you think maybe she is bipolar?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

No, Bipolar Disorder does not cause this behavior. It is possible she may have a personality disorder but not Bipolar Disorder

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Narrissitic Disorder perhaps
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Thats possible.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Oh well. Either way I think i should get therapy for this. I do love my husband very much. It's just his mother is wacky
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

You can definitely consider therapy as it can be a good way to vent your frustrations

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
True. I mean he does stick up for me but they don't change so it's more them and it's not his fault his parents are jusgemental and rude.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think she's just too attached to him also because he's an only child...but her personality is not good at all. Too hot and cold
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well then I think breaking off contact with them until they can treat you with respect is warranted.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. I wonder why she treats me this way. She doesn't like my family either. She says she doesn't like people period.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I cannot tell you why as I cannot read her mind, but it does not matter why she does it because the fact of the matter she does it and that is all that matters. There is no excuse for why she behaves this way.

*I have been helping you for a couple hours now and I do have to help other customers, so I would appreciate a positive rating for my work, thank you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I agree. Well, I am going to look into therapy about all this. I love my husband dearly, but I don't like the way his mother acts towards me or anyone for that matter.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I understand. Therapy can be helpful for you.

*Please remember to leave a positive rating for my time, so I can be compensated fairly. Thank you

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