How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been struggling with an intense worry time that has

Customer Question

I have been struggling with an intense worry for a long time that has manifested. Not too long ago, my parents cheated on each other with their first loves from back during their high school years. It encouraged me to research first love.
I found plenty of articles, many of which have been written by psychologists. They say you never forget your first love, meaning no matter how many loves you had in your lifetime that the memories of your first love are always fresh and a major influence on future relationships.
This particular article made me break down last night:
I fear that there is only one chance to make such a lifelong impression on a girl's heart in such a significant way. They say you never love anyone again like you do your first, and the memories your first sticks with you. Is this natures way of saying you are supposed to love only one person in your lifetime? And what if you are neither her first nor her last?
I have never loved before so I am hesitant to share my heart with a girl who has already shared hers with someone else.
The ultimate question I want to ask is:
Is this article in the attached link above true?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
A background about me:
I am a 21 year old guy. I have never been in a relationship before. I have been intimate with girls before. But never anything exclusive or long term.More details about my question...
It is not a coincidence movies and music talks about first/young love. I can name many on the top of my head. "First Cut is the Deepest" by Sheryl Crow, "17 Again", " Strawberry Wine" by artist I don't know, "The Notebook", music by Adele...Is first love really the most intense connection anyone can ever have with someone? And is a girl's perspective of love forever changed after she has loved for the first time? And does it really have a lifelong impact?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My ultimate question: Is this article true?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

Hello. I read the article which you have attached the link to. The first thing to remember is that not everything is true of all people. Be careful to hold your own standards up to what an article says or how you THINK you should feel. This article offers opinion and opinion only. There is a huge difference between memories and feelings. Of course people will always remember their first love. Sometimes those relationships can turn very bad, violent, hurtful and negative in many ways. Don't look to movies, books, romantic Hollywood stories for your ideals, as they are not going to be truthful. Reality is, most people don't end up with their first loves forever. SOME people are steadfast into monogamy but others are not and will not ever be with someone seriously and live a full life being very happy with this arrangement. You should not have limitations on girls to love based on their past. They could have 50 loves before you, but yours will be the best she ever has experienced. Same with you. The first is the first because its the first. It does not ever mean it will be the best. Take a musician for an example. They play their very first gig in front of a crowd. They may do a terrible job at it, but go on to play for years and become a great musician in a famous band. Their very first show will always hold a special place in their heart because it was their first, but it was not even close to their best.

Terms such as "lifelong impact" can have a variety of meanings. It does not mean the best, ***** ***** positive, etc..

What you should do is concentrate on being the best person you can for yourself and for whoever you meet. Do not have expectations beyond that, as it will cause you a lot of unnecessary stress. You could meet the best girl in the world and your future wife, don't judge her on how many 'loves' she has had prior to you. It all is completely irrelevant if your relationship is better. If she wanted to be with her fist love, why would she be with you ? All people are different. All people react differently in relationships. Try not to shackle your heart and mind with expectations provided by articles and movies. Relax, and things will take their course with relationships.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The first may have a special place in ones heart because it was the first. Yes, I understand. But what if you are neither her first nor her last? For example, what if you are #3 out of #8?The article suggested that you can fall in love many times, however, your first will always remain the "freshest" and most "delicious" memory. What does that mean for #3?Like what if a girl was my very first love but I was not hers? Will she likely be more memorable to me than I am to her? Make sense?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

It does, but I disagree. It doesn't matter if she is #3, #4 or #100...I know of many people who don't even remember their first love. Being the "freshest" or "most delicious" memory is not absolute. I disagree with this sentiment. The first WILL always have an impact on you, but it could be any result in a large spectrum of emotions. If someone was in a relationship with their first love, and this person was abused, their future reaction to other relationships will certainly be effected, but in what way ? Some people take an abusive situation and turn it around to be certain they are never ever in that situation again. Others get used to it, think its't eh way things "should" be and continue this pattern for life. So, I'm not saying the first doesn't have an impact on you, of course it does, but there are too many factors to the situations and how each individual will react. I hear a lot of people say, they THOUGHT it was love, but then they really fell in love later in life, realizing the "first love" was in fact NOT love at all. Or at least on the plain which they are now capable of giving and receiving love.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
One more question, will most women romanticise their young love memories well into their adulthood? If the relationship did not end in such bad terms, will she most likely have feelings for him (or what he was) even till this day?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

It depends on so many factors and everyone is different While of course, that is one scenario, a lot of women will think back to their younger years and realize that in high school or even college, some relationships are immature and child like. It takes time into life to realize this and I have seen many women think back on relationships as "that was cute, but I was just a kid". Most women don't think about their first relationship as the years pass. Some do. It depends on the person and again on the situation. There definitely is not a set rule to the answer you are looking for. You shouldn't date a woman with always wondering what her past relationships were like. That is a sure way to ruin the relationship !! Give everyone the benefit to enjoy their current time and don't ever dwell in the past with anyone. The situation you used as an example in your original question with the 2 people who cheated with their first loves...make no mistake, people cheat because something is missing in their current relationship or they have other major dysfunction. It is not an indication of what "usually" happens with first loves. Their relationship had problems to initiate cheating. That's it. It has nothing to do with the common thing which happens because it was their first love.

Related Relationship Questions