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Vanessa,LMHC, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 30
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor
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I hoped that yiu could give me some advice. I am a woman and

Customer Question

I hoped that yiu could give me some advice. I am a woman and my best friend is a man. We have known each other for nearly 15 years. We have in tha past been intimate but it was not appropriate at the time and since then our timings of being single at the same time have always been off. He has been divorced now for over a year and i am now single. He has had quite a time of it goibg through the divorce and also has a high powered job. Recently he has been dating a girl but it hasnt worked out well for whatever reasons i have not asked specifics. We always chat and he is always there for me if im in trouble or just in want of company. However despite some flirting on his behalf and maybe mine too i always thought that although i thought we would he so great together that it was never going to happen! Somethibg changed on sunday when we went out for a sunday early dinner. He opened up. Said he couldnt believe that i didnt know he was interested and that he was in love with me and always had been. He asked me what i thought and i said i felt the same. So the uestion arised what next and i said that he must close the door on the girl he has been seeing and only then could we discuss that. he agreed and said it was inportant this was right from the start. So now - 2 days later - my question to you is what do i do? Have patience ? Give him all the space he needs and wait for him to come to me ? And just behave as i have up and until now eg a friend? Help this is really important. Im 44 years old and he is 48 and this has been going on forever and i dont want to mess it up or to lose him ( or my beat friend) thanks Emma
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Vanessa,LMHC replied 1 year ago.

Hi there and thank you for seeking advice. You both have taken a big step by openly discussing the feelings that have been there all along. The challenging part now is to be patient and wait for him to do what he needs to do (end the situation with the other girl) so that you two can move forward. You will probably feel like you want to hurry things along to the point of you two being together as soon as possible but try and tell yourself to enjoy the moment and the realization that he feels towards you as much as you feel towards him. He has let you know how he feels and will take the needed steps to end the other situation. Give it time and just be yourself. Don't try to force yourself to act a certain way. Be as you have always been because that is the person he knows and has feelings for. Things have already taken shape and developed. Just go with it if you can without pressuring or pushing. It won't take him long. A few weeks perhaps. I think you likely already had the answers to your questions but needed some reassurance that you are doing the right thing. Yes, be patient, give him space and time, and act as you always have. Things are already falling into place. The nice part is that you know you get along with him and are compatible since you both have shared friendship and intimacy. Best wishes for you both to have a lifetime of love, happiness, and fulfillment!