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Vanessa,LMHC, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 30
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor
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My ex dumped me by text a month ago cause he was stressed

Customer Question

My ex dumped me by text a month ago cause he was stressed and had a lot going on , he then turned it round and said he just does not want a relationship right now , I have been trying to give him his stuff back and get mine , he kept cancelling the arrangements and now won't make an arrangement ! Why is he trying to keep his foot in the door , the finishing came out of the blue I new he was stressed and might of pushed him a bit as I was feeling insecure but one day he loves me the next it's over
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have told him I would be happy with a break but he says know it's over , I have not showed screamed or anything and not harassed him , 10 texts maybe asking for my thinks since it first happened !he knows stuff to me is closer and about drawing a line but he won't do it ! Is he not suer about what he wants ! Is he just trying to control the situation ! I have his passport so it's important stuff I'm talking , he's not even suggested I post it ! He's 44 and I'm 40 so not kids
Expert:  Vanessa,LMHC replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for sharing details regarding your situation. It sounds like you are going through the emotional wringer with this situation. I believe it is about control, just as you suspected. The best thing to do to move forward and heal is to end all contact with him because trying to reason with him isn't causing you anything but stress and frustration. He isn't interested in making a mature, adult move from the sounds of things. Losing your belongings is not a good feeling but waiting for him to step up and agree to give them back is only going to keep you emotionally drained and on edge. Can the things be replaced? If it is something you absolutely cannot do without, then there is the possible option of going to court (civil suit) but you would have to decide if the items are worth the cost in terms of money, time, and energy. If you end all contact, he may decide he wants to make an agreement at that point because he will realize he doesn't have the effect on you he once did. Then again, he may never make such a move if his character is lacking. It isn't fun knowing that something is the right thing to do but not being able to make it happen. You've taken a big step by seeking advice. It shows that you have the needed resources to overcome this situation. You deserve someone that respects you and makes you a priority despite life's stresses. Best wishes for the stress regarding this situation to dissipate. Let me know if I can assist you further!