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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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You answered my question about and week ago and want to

Customer Question

Hello, You answered my question about and week ago and want to thank you! Well even though he swears he doesn't have feelings for her I found out that he after inviting her to Disneyland he had her spend the night at his house so that she didn't have to
drive two hours however he slept with her and lied to me about it . I know because he left his iPad open and they were talking about it. I confronted him but he says that it was a rash mistake and that he shouldn't have and asked him if he had feelings for
her and he said no but all of his past actions from the beginning of the year or even past year and a half says he is still connected to her in some way! Like the having her around family and gifts and feeding her with his hands or the uncle thing. When people
move on emotionally they separate them selves physically and emotionally right?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.

Hello again,

This is terrible -- I'm so sorry to hear about it. I agree with you that all of his previous actions point to his still having feelings for her, as painful as it might be for you to hear, I think deep down you know this is probably likely. I don't think that means he doesn't have feelings for you, too, obviously, and it is possible to have feelings for more than one person, especially in his situation with their past history. I think he is just very confused and doesn't know how to handle his emotions -- like you said, people should (in ideal circumstances) be able to separate themselves physically and emotionally when they move on, but for whatever the reason, this does not seem to be the case for him and his ex. It's a very unhealthy situation for him, but also for you, because the whole thing just isn't fair to you at all. He can't have it both ways -- it's either you or her, and the fact that they have a history and a child together doesn't excuse his behavior. I know you probably care for him very much but I can't help but feel that it would be in your best interest to either tell him straight out that this behavior must stop (if you still feel like you want to be with him, that is) or that you need to leave him, for the sake of your own mental and emotional health. You deserve to be respected and right now, he's not doing that. I hope it works out for you, and I wish you the best of luck.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you again!
I was wondering if it had any significance to the fact that he has cheated before on a previous girl with his ex wife.Doesn't that point to his obsession with her ! It's the same person that he chooses to cheat with !In your opinion do you think he still loves her or will ever move on from her
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.

You're welcome. Unfortunately he seems to still have issues he needs to work out with her. I think he might eventually be able to move on but he doesn't seem to be at that point yet :(