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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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I am very confused. I know this girl years, liking her, but

Customer Question

I am very confused. I know this girl for several years, liking her, but nothing ever happened. Recently, for the last month we started going out... But only once a week. She has things going on in her life that I am aware of. She has a heavy responsibility to help her family in financial issues. Now her family is growing up, her brothers hit 20, her sister is married and she doesn't want to be alone. Her mother and boyfriend and family all share the same house. We had an interesting talk yesterday. She says she likes me, I am everything she wants in a person. I am secure, Have a great job with retirement and benefits. The things I do, the traveling, the foods I eat are similar to her likes. She has the same interests. But.... She doesn't feel a love connection and she doesn't understand why. She says she usually would fall in love immediately but in my case she didn't. this is one reason she limits going out with me. Now we talk and text more often, but she has that block on me and I am very confused to my next move with her.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today. It sounds to me like she has certain expectations about what love should be -- a lot of people think it's supposed to be this head over heels type of experience that you see in movies. That's not love -- that's infatuation. Love is something that evolves over time, when you get to know someone, you enjoy spending time together, you trust each other and you want to share things together. I think she already loves you but she doesn't realize it. Obviously, there are different types of love -- the way you love a family member, the way you love your friends, the way you love a romantic partner, and so on. I think at this stage, since you've only been going out for a month, she's still in the friendship stage of love. I think real love -- romantic love -- takes time to develop for some people, so I would just advise trying to be patient and continuing to go about things the way you have been. You can't "make" someone feel romantic love -- it either happens or it doesn't. But in a lot of cases, "friend" love turns into romantic love just through the process of being together. As a side note, it does sound like she has a lot on her plate right now, with the financial concerns, and perhaps there are other things, too, that you're not yet aware of. I would advise just trying to go with the flow and not pushing anything, because if you do, I fear you might end up pushing her away instead of bringing her closer. If you want to be with her, let her set the pace right now and just wait a few months and see what happens. I wish you luck. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.

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