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Ask Cher Your Own Question
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21339
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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There's this girl I've been talking to few months. Recently

Customer Question

there's this girl I've been talking to for a few months. Recently I asked her out. She's very religious and her response was, " I'm focusing on being a good Christian but let's put it in God's hands, if it's meant to be it will :)".....well a few nights later while we were out at a bar, an older gentlemen said as she was holding my arm that we made a great couple and that I found a nice girl. Instead of correcting him she held my arm tighter and started rubbing my shoulders. Later that night while we were in my truck talking, a neighbor of hers that didn't recognize my truck asked what we were doing. She said she lived there and introduced me as her boyfriend. A couple days later on our way home from church, she invited me to Thanksgiving at her new condo with her family. Now the past couple of days she's been a little distant. I don't know if I'm just coming across as clingy texting her too much or she's just trying to figure it all out for herself.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I guess the reason this weighs so heavily on my mind is that I've had some bad relationships in the past and I have some serious trust issues.
Expert:  Psych replied 1 year ago.

Hi, are you online? If yes then I can help you via chat.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am online
Expert:  Psych replied 1 year ago.

You will have to accept my offer as a value for my time so that we can continue to chat.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I thought that I paid 18 for a response? It's now asking for an additional 30?
Expert:  Psych replied 1 year ago.

My offer was non-negotiable. If you are not willing then I will optout so that someone else can help you. Please let me know

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
please, i'm not sure what my original 18 was for if it wasn't for help
Expert:  Cher replied 1 year ago.

Hello, and welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that you're a little confused about your relationship with this girl, but I think that she's confused, herself. For a girl that said she's very religious and wants to concentrate on being a good Christian, she's certainly moving quickly, because you just started dating. I agree, that she's trying to figure things out for herself.

If you've been texting her quite often, this may seem clingy to her and putting her off, so slow down with that, and see how she responds. I'm sorry that you have been in some bad relationships in the past and this is causing serious trust issues. You have every right to feel the way you do, but what's important right now, is to not rush into things with this girl. What's needed here, is taking things slowly and getting to know each other better. I think once that happens, you'll feel more secure within yourself and within your own decisions.

If you enjoy her company, continue to see her, but don't seem too 'needy' (texting/phoning too much, but 'just enough'); be yourself

and enjoy. You need to slowly rebuild your confidence and at the same time, to learn to trust again. It's too early to know right now, if she is the one for you, but that's why it's so important to take the time to date and get to know each other better. She sounds a little impulsive and you'll need to rein her in and make sure you don't agree to anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't be afraid to talk things out with her, like when she said you were her boyfriend. Isn't that a decision BOTH of you should make? You can discuss this with her, but in a nice way. Tell her you were flattered, but the two of you never even discussed that, so you were surprised. Tell her you'd like to take things slowly, based upon what she first said when you asked her out, re: being religious, etc.

I hope things work out the way you want them to!

I just wanted to let you know that I need to sign offline for the night, now, as it's late for me, so if you would like to discuss this further and send a reply, please understand that I will need to respond tomorrow (Thursday) when I sign back on.

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Providing a positive rating will not end our conversation, should you need me for any follow-up. Simply click 'Reply' for clarification or additional information, if needed, and I will be happy to continue.

Warmest regards,