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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I was married years and now back on the dating scene. It's

Customer Question

Hi I was married for 21 years and now back on the dating scene. It's all new out there especially with online dating and meeting. So I met a great guy on a dating site. The first problem is distance. He lives in Indiana and I live inf Florida but he had a condo in Florida 3 hours away from where I live. We started out texting a lot. He came to Florida we met for drinks and dinner and hit it off. We went out in 3 more dates while he was in town. Each one better than the last. But since he has flown back home. He has texted me everyday but one liner text like goodnight I miss you. I finally talked to him a little on Friday. Then Saturday a one liner text. And tonight a one liner text. And I've noticed he is still visiting the dating website regularly. Has he lost interest? If he was really into me wouldn't he want to talk to me to find out what's going on? I'm so confused and what to ask him but I don't want to be pushy and expect to much at first. Am I just needy and insecure?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.


I do not think you are being needy or insecure. I also don't think that you are expecting too much. You said that you both were texting a lot in the beginning, so I would think after meeting and having 3 good dates the texting or conversations should increase at least by quality if time restrictions play a role. I can not say if he lost interest. It could be he is under stress or busy at work, but actions do speak louder than words. Normally, he should want to and if can not he should be expressing that to you. However, in this day and age sometimes things are not what they seem and people do strange things for strange reasons. I would see how it plays out over the next few days. If it continues I would try talking with him directly. Not in an angry fashion or judgemental, but more a concerning fashion interested in knowing his thoughts and feelings. Communication is best!

I wish you the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Do I mention about him being on the website?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

That depends. How were you able to know? Also, are you still part of the site?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
At first I didn't get on it. But I was dying to know if he was since he wasn't really communicating with me. So yes I have logged on to see if he has been on. I wasn't searching for someone though.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

If you want you could mention that if you decide to discuss with him about how you are feeling. You can say you checked and saw him there. However, I would not recommend saying that at the beginning of the convversation. I would hold on to that and use it only if you feel the need to question him depending on his responses or save it for the next time if you discuss and he doesn't make any change. I would start with his visible actions and the way you feel.