Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today. I can understand how you both are feeling about this, and there are obviously a lot of emotions involved on both sides. I can also understand the reasons that everyone tells you to give her space and yet it feels to you like you've had more than enough space. It sounds to me, despite the infidelity, that you had (and still have) a strong connection. She still wants you in her life but it still seems like she's not exactly sure in what context she wants that to be. I do have hope that you can work this out and eventually get back together but I do think that it's going to take some time, patience and hard work. I think for the moment, the best thing for you to do is hang out with her and have a good time without focusing on anything too serious or getting too involved with intense emotions too quickly. Just enjoy each other's company and try to remember what you both liked about each other and being together in the first place, before the cheating and difficult times occurred in your relationship. And try to treat her that way -- just appreciate her for who she is and try to relax and have fun. Do fun things together and enjoy each other's company and the rest should take care of itself. If you focus too much on "repairing" things from the past then I fear that your relationship (in whatever context it is) will stay stuck in the past. She already has said that she hopes you'll be together again, so that's obviously a positive sign. I think that seeing a therapist might be a good idea (almost everyone has issues from their childhoods, so trying to work them out can only reap positive results for your personal life and your relationships), if you are open to that idea. Don't advance too quickly and just follow her lead in terms of the emotional closeness -- invite her to hang out without there being any pressure involved. In time, if things are meant to be and you can show her that you are willing to let her set the pace (which is basically what she seems to be asking for) then I think things have a good chance of working out. And if there are still issues between you and you do get back together, you can always consider couples counseling. I wish you all the best.