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DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 363
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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My now ex girlfriend and I have dated years. We're 25 and

Customer Question

My now ex girlfriend and I have dated for two years. We're 25 and currently living in different cities. From the moment we met, we fell for each other. We lived in the same city for the first year of our time together. Early on, I wasn't ready for a relationship, as I was suffering the pains of getting out of an old one. I broke things off for a while to gain some clarity. We went through a few more periods of space, but in the end I knew I loved her. Although it was time for me to move to a different city, I let her know that any uncertainty I previously had was gone. She was perfect and I always knew it. Her favorite line for me is, "I have always known it was you."
We continued our relationship long distance for a year. In that time I found she cheated on me multiple times. I was heartbroken. I knew our love hadn't subsided, but the emotional strains of being apart, the time committment each of our jobs presented, and the lack of connection led to a lot of this. We broke up.
We both acknowledge our love for each other still. We talk on and off, but as I seek to fix the relationship, she becomes stressed and unwilling to talk about reconciliation. I let her know that if it's space she wants, which is what she has verbalized, then I want her to take it. I've asked for it many times and have always come away knowing and feeling strengthened by our love.
I'd love to make this one work out permanently and certainly see the possibility of reconnecting, but how do I go about doing this?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.


I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication researcher/professor and relationship counselor. And I want to help. I'm going to send you my phone and Skype information through the JA form because it might be easier to talk about this in one of those ways versus this Q&A/email type format. I also would like to ask you some questions as well.

First, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I know this must be very hard on you--you have tried hard to keep this relationship going despite the long distance and other challenges, so I can't imagine the pain. Second, please understand I need to ask this so I can better help you--do you think she really does want to get back together with you? From what you have shared, you have written, "She becomes stressed and unwilling to talk about reconciliation." This is what has me concerned. That is, you cannot really begin to repair a relationship if one of the two persons is unwilling. You indicate she seems to want space. So again, does she want space to further think about it or space because she is not at the same commitment level anymore?

I am not by any means trying to be negative or discouraging. I want to try to find out from you if you think realistically she does want to be with you down the road. With the physical separation and affairs, it may be that in her mind, the chance with you has passed. So again, if you can provide me with answers, I think I can better answer/help you. Even if you are dissatisfied with the start of my answer (this is not my completed answer--I will write back later today or tomorrow once you respond), please allow me to get as much information as possible to better help.

So again to summarize, I think I can give you better insight and direction if you can provide me some answers into what you think is going on with your ex gf. If she does not feel the same way as she used to and/or needs more time/space to think, sure, there are some strategies I can share that have helped individuals repair their relationships. But before I do, if you can respond, that would be great. And if phone/Skype is easier, once your information is completed with JA, you can text me to schedule an appointment.

Take good care,

--Dr. Jackie

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.


I see you didn't rate/accept my answer. Is there anything else I can research or help answer? I strive for 100% customer satisfaction. And of course, I want to make sure I have helped you.

Thank you,

--Dr. Jackie