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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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Not sure what to do, I have been married years and it has

Customer Question

Not sure what to do, I have been married for two years and it has been such a strange marriage to say the least. My husband is an alcoholic, “I think” but keeps his drinking to two to three times per week in the evening. He turns into a little boy when he drinks or sicky sweet, or argumentative and I’ts very unattractive and unappealing either way. He is the main bread winner, he works from home making 140k last year, but his finances are in turmoil with high credit card debt and have been since I met him 11 years ago. I work full time at a local dealership, so I’m gone all day, but still we are in serious debt. We lost two homes a few years ago, which were both in his name and we are now living in an apartment.
Since he’s home he does everything from the shopping, cooking, cleaning, goes to the gym daily and says any woman would appreciate all of this. Yes it is nice to have dinner ready at night, but he doesn’t allow me to lift a finger, it’s so weird and frankly I feel like he’s sucking my identity right out of me. I have always prided myself in taking care of my home and being independent but he prevents me from doing these thing by having it all done by the time I get home and then goes on about how much he does, I’ve begun agreeing with him saying yes you do everything and that’s how you want it.
I feel lost and the only time I really feel like myself is when I’m at work or when I’m walking me dog, otherwise I just don’t fit in…I’m a visitor in my own home. Something else that is really disturbing to me is that my motivation to stay fit has gone by the way side. I used to be energetic and on the go and now that I’m married to Mr. control freak, with my independence being stolen my efforts are not there. I’ve always been a slim person, even modeled when I was younger. My husband shops and cooks unhealthy, prepackaged etc. and knows my weakness for sweets he makes sure to continually tempt me. I’ve gone from 130 lbs to 145lbs in two years of marriage. I think he wants me fat, so he can then make me feel bad about myself.
There’s more…..our sex like is non- existent, we are more like room- mates, only with me being waited on unwillingly.
He blames all our issues, whether it be financial, lack of intimacy, lack of time together, whatever on my son. My son has started college this year, so he’s not here now as his scapegoat, but nothing has changed for the better. The only time I feel like a normal couple is when we go outside of the home to dinner or a movie or try to do something fun together.
Most times I wonder if I even love my husband at all and I’m not sure if there is any hope for our future happiness or for me to find my selfworth inside of this marriage. I frankly felt healthier, happier, sexier and more independent when I was single.
I need advice please!!!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello, I am very sorry that you are having this issue in your marriage, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. You mentioned that you were in counseling before your marriage, have you thought about going back as either an individual or as a couple? I know you also want advice, but this is a Q&A website, so what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to regarding this situation?