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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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I am a sophomore in college right now. During my freshman

Customer Question

Hello. My name is Lee. I am a sophomore in college right now. During my freshman year of college, I dated someone in the friend group. We even had sex later on in the year. But suddenly one day she said she didnt have any feelings for me. So we broke up. I had the summer to myself to think things through but when sophomore year came, my feelings for her came back everytime I see her. Im pretty sure she still has no feelings for me. I even did something I regretted. My feelings and emotions took over my judgment and I texted her if we could talk. She said "sure but maybe someother time". I shouldn't have done that. Also, earlier I mentioned this girl was in my friend group. So my roommate would sometimes go to her room and chill with the squad. I wouldn't. Everyone knows about what happened between me and the girl and its really awkward. I dont know if im too coward to go to the room or if im doing the right thing by avoiding that friend group because of her. My roommate is saying tuat I am putting unnecessary on myself about this but to be honest, I dont think he knows how I feel. I still have feelings for her and I dont know what to do. Please I am mostly lonely in my room while my roommate is having fun. Please i really need help. What am I to do? I still have feelings for her. Am I doing the right thing by avoiding that friend group? Or should I talk to them? To be honest I feel like a coward just staying in my room. Please help!!!!!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My roommate who is also in the friend group is saying that I am being foolish. I still have other friend grouos. Its just that one particular group im avoiding... Is this the right thing to do?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for your questions. I can definitely understand why you want to avoid this woman because of your history and because of the emotional hurt you feel, but with that being said avoiding her also isolates you away from your friends and that can break the connection/relationships with these friends as well. It would be best for you to face this woman, but instead just focus on being with your friends and not focus on her at all. I know it will be hard to move forward from this woman and you may do so if you avoid her and not have contact with her, but in doing so you may lose your friends too and that will not be good for you. So instead try to reestablish yourself with your friends, and be cordial and platonic with her, but not that close and also think about exploring romantic relationships outside of the group. You do not have to find someone that is going to be just like her or someone that will be a good relationship partner right away, instead focus on dating as something fun and to get to know others outside of your group. This will help you to move forward from this woman, but ultimately I would highly recommend reestablishing your relationship with your group of friends as that will be in your best interest.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thank you i understand. But the problem for me is that they talk behind my back sometimes. According to my roommate, they talk behind my back and say that im acting weird. I do have other friend groups I hang out with. Its just hard becaude my roommate hangs out eith that particular group. It would also get really awkward if I just go up there... !s it worth it? I really am trying to forget about her but its really difficult. I sometimes go to the gym and hang out with other people just to get her out of my mind. But even when I bump into her, she seems like the world to me. What should I do??????
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

I cannot tell you if it is worth it or not as the value of their friendship is totally up to you. If you feel that their friendship is not that valuable than you may be better off not trying to re-engage them, but if you want to reestablish that friendship with them and be part of that group to which your roommate belongs than going there would be good. It will be awkward at first and you will feel somewhat self-conscious, but eventually you will reintegrate back into the group as you only made a mistake by avoiding them and they will accept that. Try to have your roommate be a segway for you back in this group as that will be helpful to make it a smoother transition. Only time will help you to get over this woman and continuing to do other activities and possibly see other romantic partners will help.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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