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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5808
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I met s a guy six months ago and we went on a date and hung

Customer Question

I met s a guy six months ago and we went on a date and hung out, and had a real connection. WE have not seen each other, but texts a few times per week, and yes some sexting too, but that is very recent. We are both out of long term relationships, me two years, him one. A couple of times I tried to need it, but we he asked not to and we have a really good friendship. So asked him out again, we warned me that he cannot do relationships, I said I understood, he told me he will call me the next day, I was ok. then he texts me a half hour later telling me he is attracted to me , wants to go further, but then feels regretful cos he feels he is empty in his heart, and that he does want to get hurt. he says he will call me tomorrow. do I try to let go? this is the one guy whom I have felt the most connected to ever in my life, and I am not that young anymore.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Whether or not you decide to let this relationship go depends very much on how much risk you want to take on this guy. He is giving you a warning up front that he is not able to deal well with relationships. That is a pretty clear sign that he is expecting to have your relationship not work out. And that leaves you vulnerable since you care very much for him and want the relationship to work.

Unless this guy is willing to work on the issues that are causing him to have trouble in relationships, he is not going to change. Only people who are willing to seek help with their issues change. And this guy may be aware he has issues with relationships, but if giving you a warning is all he is willing to do, then you may end up being with someone who has very little if any commitment to your relationship.

If you are concerned about your age and the time you have to form a commitment with someone, then this guy does not seem like the person to do that with, unless he is willing to address his problems. If he is, then the risk might be worth it because he shows he wants to be with you. But if all he is willing to do is give you a warning about his issues, then your time may be better spent finding someone who is willing to commit and does not have similar issues with relationships as this guy does.

I hope this has helped you,


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