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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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I started seeing a woman named Annika about 2 months ago. We

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Hello my name is***** started seeing a woman named Annika about 2 months ago. We hit it off from the moment we met. our physical, spiritual, and emotional chemistry was on point. I began to fall in love with her. She said she loved me as well.
About a month in, she expressed she has been in a funk for 3 years. She doesn't make a lot of effort to get in touch with me. I was the one initiating our time to hang out. But when we would go out, we always had so much fun. She would invite me to come over and stay the night. We wouldn't have sex, but we would cuddle most of the night and it felt amazing. This happened week ago. About 4 days ago I had a psychic offer me a reading. Long story short the reading revealed that Annika and I are a perfect match and we will grow a lot with each other. The lady said she loves me and we will be in a committed relationship before too long. she expressed how beautiful our connection was and encouraged me to continue forward with Annika.
I was very happy to hear this. Later that day, I texted Annika asking how she was. She responded with a simple, "im ok. How are you?" I said good and told her of the news about the reader that day. I kept it vague. I stated that the lady said some beautiful things about her, myself, and our connection. I left it at that.
I have not heard from her since. My question is how to go about this. Do I just leave her alone and stop trying? IF I do text her what could i say? It is very difficult for me to just walk away because it our connection is so powerful and has been profound. None the less I am still in love with her.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.
Hello Amanda, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today.
I don't think you need to leave it alone and stop trying, but I do think there's a possibility that she may have been scared off when you revealed what the psychic had said (albeit in vague terms, as you mentioned). If you feel a connection with someone that's so strong, then I don't think you are the only one who's feeling that way -- you say everything (physical, spiritual, emotional) was a match and she said that she loved you as well. So I don't think that's anything to ignore, even though she seems to have pulled away a bit right now. She did admit to you that she was in a "funk" and it sounds like she does have a bit of an issue with intimacy -- she doesn't make an effort to get in touch, you initiate a lot of the contact, etc. The good thing is that she does often seem to return your interest when you do reach out. As for the intimacy issue, I don't know whether it is because she's been hurt in the past or due to whatever life experiences she has had, but it does sound like it's something you need to be aware of and to let her tell you about when she feels ready. It's only been two months, after all, so try to take things a bit slower, even though you are obviously so enthusiastic about her and your relationship. I think she's basically sending you a nonverbal message by not reaching out, and it seems that the message is that she just needs you to back off a bit and give her some space. She might be afraid of the intensity of her feelings for you, she might be afraid to be hurt -- whatever it is, she needs time to come around and to develop trust in you. So you don't need to stop trying, but I think you might just want to tone down the intensity a bit for the time being. (I know that is not easy, by the way, because of the way you feel, but just keep in mind that it could scare her off.) I would advise just sending her a quick text message (without referencing the conversation regarding the psychic) to let her know that you were thinking about her and wondering if everything is OK (you could also say something along the lines of you hoping to see her soon). Just send a brief, warm message to open up the lines of communication and to see if she responds. I wouldn't get into too much detail, especially with a text, where a lot of nuances and emotions can be easily misunderstood.
I wish you all the best.

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