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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I went out with a man week and all of a sudden no plans no

Customer Question

I went out with a man for 1 week and all of a sudden no plans no calls and I am upset. I got a hold of him this morning and he said he was very busy. He was very busy when we dated those 4 days and he found time for me then. when I asked him today if
we would be going out this week he said yes but no plans. I have this gut feeling that he has changed his mine about me. I do not know why and I do want to hear that we would go out this week and not making plans with me.I rather just be the one to say screw
you buddy , why take me out four times in 7 days and then not even want to talk to me? This is strange to me. I do not feel comfortable and I just want to know the real truth behind this. I thought if a guy likes you he really wants to see you and at least
talk to you at the end of the day and asks you how your day went. He did say that he has had woman who tells him he is to much into his kids that are full grown by the way and not little. Although his grandkids are around and he does watch them. I am confused
and I want to know. Would it be wrong to call him and just straight out ask him what is going on? Did he relaize he was spending to much money and had to stop? I just need an answer
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your question. I feel like he is afraid and worried that if he gets to close he will get hurt. He openly said what his fear was about being to much into his children, so he needs a person that will understand that his children mean the world too him. He needs someone who will participate with his children and accept whom he is as a person. I feel like he gets worried when he gets to sloes to someone they will leave and he will be hurt. It sounds like there women might have been jealous of him being all about his children. But you sound too me like a person that is very understanding and caring. I feel like you should call and talk with him and tell him you understand that his children are important tool him and that you just want to get to know him and be involved in every part of his life. I think he is unsure how you feel and has expressed his fears. I don't think in any way is he trying to blow you off, he just is nervous. So you want to reassure him that everything will be gone and he needs to open up his heart. Communication in this relationship is important he needs someone direct so he knows that person is their for him. I feel you both will have great relationship if he continues to open up and not be afraid to love. Thank you for your question.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I feel it might me more than that. I mean he could not wait to see me last week and I also know I may have said things to him that might off made him turned off from me. I am not really sure. I know he might be the type that shaves his body which may be a turn off to me. I suggested he wear his hair longer and he said no. I questioned what his legs might look like in shorts cause I never saw them however we did go play golf and I was like Yikes! One of his legs was kinda veiny and I saw a strange patch of hair by his knee and I may have looked at it funny and he may have seen my reaction, and I also ignored telling him he had nice legs. He actually said I would see cause he felt they were very nice. I think I may have been to much into his looks and I think it is because he is very much into his Looks. He is 59 soon to be 60 and hates the fact that he is turning 60. I personally embrace my age of 59.We got into a conversation on where we kiss our grandchildren on lips or cheek. I asked him and he said his 1 year old grandaughter kissed him on the mouth once and that is how he kisses her now. I said I would never kiss my grandchildren on lips nor would I kiss my child on lips. I said we were not raised that way. I kept talking about it and said that the way the world is today I did not feel like is was a good idea. God only knows what he thought about that. The last I heard from him is when I made contact with him yesterday morning cause I had not heard from him for a couple of days. Before that he called me for a date on a wednesday, then I suggested Thursday, then he said Saturday, and also Sunday. I said yes to all 4 dates. Now nothing. I asked him if we would be doing something this week and he said yes, but hurry like. If he does not call me or send me a text I think he is telling me something. especially when he was so gong ho in the beginning. I just feel I would rather know now today, That he has no plans of ever taking me out, instead of me being the waiting fool on someone that has changed his mind about me. Do you have any suggestions how I can be one step on a guy that may have lost interest and already knew he was not taking me out again and just could not say that?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your question. I would come right out and ask if he see you and him going out on another date. You don't want to wait around. You need to know if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. If you know he is not taking you out again and you want to be ahead of him. I would suggest that you tell him you are moving on. You can explain too him what kind of person you are looking for in a relationship. I think you will get a better response if you tell him how you really feel and how you see dating. Thank you again for your question.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Funny, he texted me some small talk yesterday, and he texted me today for a date tomorrow. It must be me. But he came on so strong in the beginning that with the lack of communication through this week I honestly thought he may not be interested. I think I really do like him or I would not be asking all these questions. He is extremely busy with his work and I know my son is the same way, very difficult to talk to even him. I would like your opinion on what you think? and if you could help me with this, if a guy says he would like to do something low key what in the world would that be? Thank You
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
not interested in phone call sorry
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. I feel like he is saying low key like nothing fancy. He just want to relax and do something simple. A simple dinner date, or maybe making dinner at home, going to the movies, maybe a walk in the park, a picnic, those are all low key examples. It sounds too me that he wants to just be himself around you. He wants you to see the real him. This is a great start in a relationship. He is not trying to be something he is not. I feel this relationship will grow and in a good direction. Being so busy I feel that is another reason why he wants to keep the date low key. Thank you for your question.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank You for your answer. we have been dating now for about 3 weeks and we are really having fun. He keeps saying that we will be making plans for the week coming up which has happened everytime. There is one thing now that I am not sure of, and that is the subject of intimacy and when that should take place. I have real problem with that since I have always pleased the wrong guys and got hurt every time. It just seems that guys today especially ones that have been married and had to split there homes and so force would much rather have there man cave, like in there own place and still have everything that a woman can offer them. I have not done anything in that way just kissed him, Many ;). I went to his place this past Sunday briefly cause I asked him when I can see it. He had no problem showing me however he called his couch his Throne and he also had papers on the kitchen counter and commented that if he was married or in a live in relationship that would not be allowed.. I said, that was not necessarily true, as I am not always the neatest person in the world, as he was over my place and showed him something in my bedroom and I had not made my bed. In otherwards why should I give my self fully and feel that empty feeling when he walks out my door or his door and be all by myself and knowing that now he has seen me naked and still going home to his cave. So I am a bit unsure about this as he has asked in a very nice way.... when. I have been dating him for a month now. We have talked about our older years as if we would be together. However if I make love with him it would feel better to me if maybe we went away for a weekend and after sex say friday we can still hang out together doing things for a couple of days. It would just make me feel better I think.
I said soon I promise. Can you give me any advise on this Thank you

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