How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1694
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
54658078
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistMaryAnn is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

A lady across the street just came over and invited me to

Customer Question

A lady across the street just came over and invited me to her husband's 6th birthday party. He and I work at the same and have had words at work. I offered to work it out so we could work together, when I offered my hand for a handshake he just looked at me. From that day forward I am cordial bit I told myself I would never try to be friends him. I rode motorcycles with him a couple of times just short afternoon rides. I don't visit him he doesn't visit me. It was a shock that his wife invites me and I thanked her but did not say I would go. She said she would really love to have me over I said ok thanks again. Should I feel obligated to go or even to tell her I can't make it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Can I change this to urgent the party starts in 2 hours thanks.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your question

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

I feel like this might be a fresh start to a friendship. Some times people try to connect as friends but it doesn't always work out right away.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

He might be looking to start over so his wife invited you over to the party.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

People change and he might need you as a friend. I feel she invited you because her husband probably wants to be your friend but does not know how to re-introduce himself. He probably thinks he had so many chances to be your friend, but not feels like he lost his opportunity.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

It would be a good idea to go, but if you feel that you do not want to, I would kindly say that you had plans.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

I am sure she would understand.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Because you did not tell her that you were going you do not have an obligation to go to the party.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
you think I should respond either way. This guy's wife came over and invited just a few before the party Kind of like it was a last minute thing and she was just trying to get people to come
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

You also do not have to tell him you are not going. But if you wanted to tell her you couldn't go that would be fine as well. I think he might have wanted you to come to get a second chance at friendship.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Her husband might have mentioned that he wanted you to come so she came over last minute to invite you.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

But you are in no way obligated because it was last minute.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

If you do not go I feel like his wife will just assume you already had plans.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It just doesn't feel right he sees me outside all the time. He has never made an effort to come over. It's just seems like she was trying to throw something together. I have always invited close friends and family to something as personal as a birthday party not just people I know
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't want to seem anti social bit I also don't appreciate being put in this situation
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Does he wave at all when he is outside?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
sometimes.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

I understand you feel like she put you in a certain situation, but you are not obligated to go.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No not outside just when he drives by
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Or notify if I don't attend?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like his wife wants him to have friends. But it sounds like he is not good at having friendships.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

You do have have to tell her you are not going because you never told her you were going.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeah I think so but I really don't like being around him! At work he is called good Andy/Bad Andy you never know how he is going to act
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like he has that type of personality that is one way and then changes to the other. So this would mean he could be social one day and then ignore you the next. If you do not want to be around him then do not go to the party.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

You don't want to out yourself in a situation you will be uncomfortable in.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
by telling her OK thanks when she invited me was not accepting. It was also weird when she said she would love to have me come
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It just caught me totally by surprise. I was shocked
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

No you did not accept the invite. You just kindly said thank you. It does not mean you were going. She said she would love for you to come because she wanted you to come. I understand why you were shocked because you feel you both are not friends but just acquaintance.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

You never know he might think you both are good friends.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Would consider me to be a bad person if I did not go?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

No, not at all. You never want to go to somewhere you do not want to go.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

It is more important for you to be comfortable. You do not want to go there and you do not know how he is going to react.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also in reality I don't want to be friends with him. I hate it for his wife.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Then I would not go. If you do not want to be friends with him, then I wouldn't go.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

If she asks why you didn't go just tell her you alreadyhad plans it was to short notice and ask how the party was.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thanks
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

You welcome and thank you for your questions.

Related Relationship Questions