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Martin, Engineer
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4922
Experience:  i'm 41 and i never stopped studying and experimenting
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I am having a difficult time with trusting my fiancé. He

Customer Question

I am having a difficult time with trusting my fiancé. He cheated on his ex wife, multiple times, I have caught him flirting with another woman over text, nothing sexual in nature. But I found it disrespectful. I just wonder if my insecurities are overwhelming me or if it's my gut. He tells me he loves me and he wants a family, and he doesn't want to ever feel the same guilt that he felt with his ex. And here I am on this website because I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I also know he has a need to feel desired. By myself and wants to know others find him attractive as well. This woman he flirted with, was his massage therapist who he wanted to date years ago and she wasn't interested in him at the time. I can see him just rubbing his ego knowing he can get her now, but never acting on it. And maybe flirting over text is okay, I just have a difficult time thinking it is.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Our relationship is good. He is my best friend, my biggest supporter, and a great father to his boys, my step children. He was married for 16 years, and miserable. I was with my ex for 6, no intimacy for 2 years, but I never cheated. So I gave hard time thinking a leopard can change its spots. You either have it in you to deceive others or you don't. i can get into the misery of their marriage, and how he says he should have left her years before, tried a few times, but always felt guilty.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
A live phone call isn't necessary.
Expert:  Martin replied 1 year ago.
Hi. It is more tempting to cheat when you are miserable like you said he was, he was having little to lose. It seem different now from what you mention. Men like to play that kind of games and there is no real way to know in advance.
Seeing a female massage therapist sure is not a good way to get out of the temptation zone. Cheating is not a rapid change, it could even happen with you if you would get to specific step of the process and go slightly further each time. It is a bit like with drugs, you start with recreational drugs and you can eventually end up on hard stuff without even noticing the drifting took place.
He may genuinely regret what he did before. Play the game with him and joke about how he find her. If he joke also, everything may be fine, if he get on the defensive fast, then something may be on, perhaps unconsciouly to him so far. Try to make the same kind of joke about you and other guys from time to time to see his reaction.

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