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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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I as engaged to a man on and off yrs. I finally left. He was

Customer Question

I as engaged to a man on and off for 4 yrs. I finally left. He was a good man. However I didn't love him. That was six months ago. I just learned he married and am devastated. Why?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am very sorry to hear that you are devastated by this news that your ex-fiance recently got married. You have to understand that this is quite common and a normal reaction not because you felt that you truly loved him and that you regret not going through with the engagement, but because part of you is wondering if you are going to find that happiness that he has found. Also you shared 4 years with this man (on and off) and it is natural to be somewhat jealous that he is sharing his life with someone new, but again it is not because you have hidden feelings for him, but more because of the history you two share. So both reasons for why you are feeling devastated are valid and likely, and the good news is that this feeling should not last long as you continue to move forward with your own personal life. Because you know in your heart you did not love him, your mind will start to focus on that and will help you to move forward with a sense of optimism that you should continue to date others in search of a suitable partner for yourself.
I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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