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My name is ***** ***** I am 18 now. When I was in middle

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school, there was a boy...
My name is ***** ***** I am 18 now. When I was in middle school, there was a boy, Isaac, I had a crush on. Later on when I was 14, we got a job at the same place and he, being very goofy and loving attention, gave me a lot of attention. I had a silly sounding
high pitched voice and I was always called an "angel" and "extremely innocent" and "good" by others where I worked. Anyways, I happen to secretly be a sex addict and Isaac would always tease me by asking me by asking me questions about my sex life (no one
knew I was a sex addict). Anyways, I would always just blush and not respond, and after a while I became EXTREMELY infatuated with him. Sophomore year he stopped working at the same place and he went to a different high school, so I never saw him. However,
I could never stop thinking about him. Finally senior year I asked him if he wanted to hook up sexually over the summer (online). He was blown away with surprise and declined. I asked him again a few months later (June) and he finally accepted. He's not the
responsive type online, but...we never ended up hooking up that summer. I finally saw him in real life about 4 months later at a marching band competition (October) (hadn't seen him in about 2 years total), and I started crying when I saw him play his marimba...I
was exhilarated...so happy...he looked so happy and was so successful. I was happy for him. I was proud of him. Afterwards, I waited by his car to talk to him. He pretended not to see me, so I had to run up to him. Seeing him in real life felt WAY different
than thinking about him horny in bed at night. While at night I lust for him like no other, seeing him in real life, I actually felt guilty for fantasizing about him in that way. When I saw him, he was friendly and nice, and I felt safe, and I wanted to hug
him forever and never let go...seeing him in real life, I didn't lust for him AT ALL. Seeing him in real life, I actually DIDN'T want to have sex with him. I just wanted to talk and hold his hand, and ask how he was, and tell him how proud I was. Anyways,
he didn't really have much to say to me, and that was that. (I actually became OBSESSED with him, showered him with messages and he blocked me...) The weird part is that Isaac and I were never really close friends. The real question is: I have a current boyfriend
who I've been with for 5 months. I don't think I love him enough (or at all). He is a great man, he is very, very good to me (he is 27) and he wants to marry me. But when I think of who I love enough to marry, I think of Isaac. Also, when my current boyfriend
and I have sex, I fantasize about Isaac. I still think about him all of the time to this day. Even though Isaac and I never dated and we weren't even good friends, am I in love with him? (I feel like I am, but logically it doesn't make sense) (I thought it
was infatuation, but infatuation doesn't last that long and you don't actually care about the person, I care about Isaac...) Sorry, that was a lot, thanks!
Submitted: 2 years ago.Category: Relationship
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7/19/2015
Counselor: Dr. Paige, Psychologist replied 2 years ago
Dr. Paige
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