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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1694
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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How do I let someone know I have been interested in them for

Customer Question

How do I let someone know I have been interested in them for 17 years? I met this guy whilst working together 17 yrs ago, but it was too soon after I'd come out of an abusive relationship and he was intent on moving to USA after graduating. I never made it to visit. He got married 10 yrs ago to an American woman, but it has not been good. He told me today that they are divorcing now. He has since got back with his ex from before that, but I am gutted because he knows how I feel about him. I would fly out there tomorrow if he said I could. What can I do? My interest in him has never waned, despite trying to have other relationships.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. So he is still in America and with an ex currently while finalizing his divorce. How often do you speak to him and by what means ? Does his ex that he is currently with know about you ? You are going to have to let him know how you feel about him, but you also do not want to interfere or disrespect his current relationship. Depending on your level of friendship at this time, and how you both normally communicate would be your answer. If you both are on a pretty friendly level, can joke around together, etc.. you might causally bring up how its too bad he is already into another relationship. If he asks you why, you can say something like I don't know, I thought maybe we could give being together a see how he responds. If having that kind of casual type of conversation is not in the way you normally talk with him, then you need a different approach. You said he knows how he feels about you but your question is how do you let him know, so I am a little confused by this. Does he REALLY know how you feel about him ? Do you think he is just not interested in you or that you might not be serious ? In any case, you need to make your feelings very clear to him. If he rejects you, then you have your answer and closure on the matter. Even if it is not the answer you wanted. Making comments to him such as, it's too bad you left here to go tot he US, telling him you miss spending time with him, asking if he is coming back to visit, etc... all "hints" to feel him out and let him know you are thinking about him. Men don't take subtle gestures to mean things as women do, so unless you are very direct with him, he isn't going to understand what you are getting at. His reactions to you dropping hints and suggestions are what you can do to read him and see how to proceed based on his answers. You are going to have to just put it out there for him to comprehend what you are feeling. Like I said, even if its a rejection, its better to know than not know.

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