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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Name is ***** ***** yrs old. In a common law relationship

Customer Question

Name is ***** ***** yrs old. In a common law relationship for 4 years. I work a rotation schedule of 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. We live in a house my father bought and we rent to own. I pay around 70% of the bills. My last time home my gf informed me her parents and sister who live 8 hrs away would be coming tp stay with us on my next time home. She never asked me but told me and when i said i didnt mind a few days but a week is alot she got mad in a how dare you type of way. I work night shift and have a hard time bouncing back and regulating my sleep as well as recharging after my 2 week rotations over and i get home. So they showed up for my last week home and i had to play the gracious host which left me emotionally exhausted and now im back at work feeling unrested. One thing that happend while they were there is that they took over my bathroom which is in the hall and i was using the gf's bathroom as its an ensuite in our bedroom. I happened to leave a towel on the floor she uses to dry her hair after showers and she toId me in a snarky tone to put things back where i find them. Bear in mind i was only using her bathroom cause her parents had taken over mine. This has left me pretty resentful and would like some input as the weather this is justified. I think she has some ocpd and npd features but dont get me wrong i have my own issues as well which makes it hard to know when im being resonable vs selfish.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hi Josh, While your feelings on this matter are certainly what they are and I understand with your work situation, it was a difficult week, sometimes putting up with the "in laws" is one of those things in a relationship you just have to do. After 4 years, she should be able to allow her parents into your home without fear of them being unwanted there. A week is an average vacation time and I'm not sure how long its been since she has seen them, but blood is thicker than water! What I suggest you do is talk to her, NOT in a confrontational kind of way but explain in the nicest way possible that it was a stressful visit for you to deal with and that all you ask next time is a discussion prior to them coming. Maybe it would be better for them to come while you are on your 2 week rotation working, instead of home, or at a different timing in some other way. Overall, while you feel your house was invaded for a week, my reaction is that it's just one of those annoying things in life that people in long term relationships need to deal with when it comes to the parents of their partner. Tell her that you would never tell her to not have her parents there, but it is stressful for you. Figure out a compromise for the next visit on what would work for you and make you not as stressed and present that to her. These are her parents, she deserves to spend time with them, and this isn't going to be a battle you can win with her! You will recover and get rested and life will go on. They will come and visit again int he future, so now is the time to decide together how to make that visit more pleasant for all involved.